Module 8: The Dominator

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

One of the crucial aspects of any healthy relationship is freedom. The more personal space and freedom you give to another person, the more your relationship will thrive. But there are many relationships where people feel suffocated, stuck, and tied down. Many people feel trapped in a relationship as they get pushed around, bossed around, and controlled. One person might feel powerful while dominating others around him, the other constantly feels exhausted and frustrated.

A dominator could be anyone, your close friend, your spouse, or your boss at work. A dominator enjoys pulling the strings and tries to control what you do and even what you say. They try to micromanage a person in every way possible and put themselves in first place in the priority list of other people. Dominating people usually don’t know where the boundaries start and people around them often find themselves walking on eggshells.

But why would anyone want to dominate their loved ones? Why do these people enjoy controlling each and every aspect of other people’s lives?

One of the reasons why people dominate others is to get what they want. Most of the people who control others are narcissists who treat other people as resources or puppets. For narcissists, people are merely tools to help them get what they want and, in order to get what he wants, the dominator keeps on “reminding” others who is “superior” in the relationship.

Another reason why people engage in such behavior is because of insecurity. Most dominators are afraid of losing people and hence, in order to keep them around, they try to control them.

Dominators might feel powerful, the other person might also choose to stick around and put up with this behavior, but in reality, domination often causes more damage than good as these relationships lack respect, love, and maturity.

Signs of domination in a relationship

Signs of domination are usually obvious and visible to other people, but in many cases, a dominator doesn’t realize that he is unintentionally being dominating. The following signs can help a person know their patterns and can help them reflect better on their behavior.

A dominator makes all the rules: A dominator makes all the rules and tries to control each and every action of other people. A dominator might not do this directly, but he often finds himself dictating to other people what they should do and what they shouldn’t, and when things don’t go as he wishes, he gets upset and lashes out.

A dominator engages in constant criticism: A dominator criticizes over and over again. Criticism might start out small but as it continues and starts snowballing, the other person starts to feel good for nothing in the relationship.

Endless arguments: When a dominator starts to argue, they never surrender. The arguments are often endless, and the opinions of other people rarely matter. The arguments continue until they make the other person either cave in or apologize to them.

Love and affection come with terms and conditions: People often talk about unconditional love. But when it comes to being in a relationship with a dominator, love often comes with a set of terms and conditions, which when not met, love gets withdrawn. They make other people earn their love and affection by forcing them to follow their set of rules.

Lack of respect for privacy: A dominator has no respect for anyone’s privacy, and they keep on invading until unhealthy boundaries are set. They feel like they have earned the “right” to know every single detail about a person, that too, without his/her permission. You might find a dominator stalking you, trying to uncover your every secret and as time goes by, you might also find yourself being answerable to him for everything you do. 

Fear replaces love: Being in a relationship with someone who dominates others consistently is not only exhausting but also scary. People constantly find themselves walking on eggshells around dominators and are often scared to offend them. The relationship that is supposed to be nurturing and add value to life turns into a scary nightmare. When people fail to abide by the dominator’s terms and conditions, they face their wrath which often transforms into verbal violence or physical abuse.

Dominators are possessive: Every relationship comes with a certain level of possessiveness. When two people click, it’s natural to want to be able to spend time with each other. But in the case of dominators, possessiveness has no limits. It might start small, but the restrictions grow with time. People who form a relationship with a dominator often find themselves isolated from their friends and family.

If domination causes so much damage than good, if it makes people around dominating people miserable, wouldn’t it be better to stop this behavior? 

Overcoming dominating behavior:

Some people practice domination to get their way, while in the case of some dominators, they are unaware of their dominating behavior. The insecurity of losing a person or being abandoned causes them to unconsciously engage in the dominating behavior. But in both cases, people around them usually suffer in silence. Dominating behavior can have severe impacts. This can even ruin your relationships or can cause a person to permanently cut ties with you and walk away forever. Hence, it’s important to acknowledge the dominating behavior and rectify it. The following steps can be taken to improve dominating behavior and form healthy relationships.

Keep a journal: Instead of lashing out on people when your demands are not met, pouring your heart out in a journal can help you recognize your violent thoughts. Knowing your thought process can actually help you know yourself better and make amendments.

Take timeout: Next time you feel angry at someone, take a short break to calm yourself down. Find a quiet place, go for a walk, take deep breaths, or simply start counting to 50. Once you feel like you can handle the situation calmly, conduct a healthy discussion with mutual respect.

Practice empathy: No one likes being dominated and you wouldn’t also. How would you feel if someone imposes their unrealistic demands on you, invades your privacy or forces you to cut your friends loose? Try walking in other people’s shoes, try to understand their perspective. This can actually help you understand what they go through when you impose your demands on them.

Seek help: It’s completely fine to seek additional support. If you feel like you are not able to control your anger or the actions of other people are consistently giving rise to your rage, you can seek support from a therapist.

How did you overcome your dominating behavior? What steps did you take and how has it helped your relationships?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know was the dominator in a relationship. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Not Acting Superior to Others” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

Read the article? Time to introspect!

Q1. Have you ever been in a relationship with a dominator? How was your experience?

Q2. Have you ever tried to dominate someone? Why?

Q3. How do you feel when people around you dictate you all the rules?

Q4. Do you believe in constructive criticism? How do you deliver it?

Q5. What steps did you take to overcome the dominating behavior? What challenges did you face?

Sources:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/friendship-20/201506/20-signs-your-partner-is-controlling

https://psychcentral.com/blog/why-anyone-would-want-to-control-you/

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
• Healthy Relationships
• Respect in a Relationship
• What is Love
• Bad Relationships
• Neglecting Others
• Being Selfish
• Low Self Esteem
• Self-Pity
• Jealousy
• The Dominator
• The Bully
• Manipulating Others
• Grandiosity
• I am Better Than You
• Abandoned as a Child
• Abandoned by My Children
• Forgiving Others
• Letting Go of Resentment
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD