Self Pity

by: George Tannous, PhD
Print Module 8

Print Your Work Book, PDF

Self Pity Lesson at

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!


Who doesn’t want to be happy? Everyone does. And if you think about it, our each and every action, every step we take, our long-term and short-term goals, everything we do is aimed at achieving happiness.

But no matter how hard we push, how much we resist and how much we strive to stay away from adversities, misfortunes happen. We come across dreadful and sometimes horrible circumstances of which escaping becomes impossible.

These misfortunes happen with everyone. After all, life is not all about sunshine and rainbows. We all get our fair share of happiness and sadness. And these misfortunes come in several forms. Sometimes it’s about not getting that dream job; sometimes it’s about a failed business venture. Sometimes we fail to meet the expectations of our loved ones and sometimes, our loved ones fail to stay by our side. Sometimes misfortunes keep knocking on the door when we refuse to give up and one day, we finally call it quits and let our dreams go.

When some people encounter misfortunes, they stand strong like a rock. They refuse to surrender to the situation and like a warrior; they cut through the gloomy cloud and deal with the circumstances. Instead of running, hiding, and blaming, they face the situation with utter courage. They refuse to give up. When they succeed, it becomes a victory when they don’t, it becomes a lesson.

While some people keep striving for better times and circumstances, some people, when they face adversities, start sliding the downward spiral. They easily get succumbed to the mis happenings and lose themselves in the situation. When these people face dark days, they complain about their bad fate, they feel sorry for themselves, and instead of taking charge of the situation, they become the victim. They feel the world is standing against them, they are helpless, and their situation will never change.

But this behavior is not limited to some people only. We all have been there, and we all have done that. We all have felt sorry for ourselves at some point in our lives. We all have felt the temptation to give in to self-pity and become the victim.

But why? Have you ever wondered?

Why do we pity ourselves?

One of the reasons why we people pity ourselves is because of low self-esteem. We constantly and consistently feel that we are not good enough. We always feel the need of someone we can depend on, someone who can take care of us and someone who can rescue us when things get harsh. But when things get really bad and no one comes to save us, falling into self-pity becomes convenient. Feeling bad for oneself and becoming the victim starts to seem like an ideal choice as it liberates us from taking responsibility and shifts the blame on someone else.

Another reason for slipping into self-pity is overthinking. When we dwell on the negative events of life and focus on the misfortune, how much it hurt, what other adversities it brought with itself and how the future will be the same as the present, we lose ourselves. Our imagination gives a boost to self-pity. Instead of taking control of the situation, we let the situation control us. Instead of taking responsibility and clawing our way out, we keep getting sucked in, until self-pity starts becoming a comfortable place for us and we start choosing to stay there.

Effects of self-pity

Self-pity not only strips you from courage, positivity and your strength but also cripples you by giving you an abundance of hopelessness and victimhood. It not only keeps you tied down to your dark past but forces you to stay there. As a result, it makes you feel like you don’t have many choices. Whenever you try to move on, it brings you down by replaying the same episodes of disappointments, failures, loss, etc. and keeps you caged. In a way, self-pity takes a major toll on your future by connecting it severely to the gloomy past. Since self-pity depletes your confidence, it promotes codependency and makes you wait for others to save you and pull you out of the situation.

Letting go of self-pity.

Imagine feeling vulnerable, defeated, powerless and simply at your worst 24/7. Imagine hitting rock bottom every single day. Would you like to lead such a life?

The good news is a few steps can help you in letting go of self-pity. But disclaimer! It won’t happen in a day but taking small steps in a positive direction will help you break the loop and become free from self-pity. So, let’s begin.

Practice self-compassion: Instead of beating yourself up about the disappointments, losses, and failures, be kind to yourself. Acknowledge that you need some time out and take a break. Instead of blaming yourself and others, instead of dwelling on the situation, take time to understand yourself, your needs and fulfill them.

Practice gratitude: Maintaining a gratitude journal and writing even small things in it can help you see the positive aspects of your life.

Silence your inner critic: Sometimes, when we face adversities, one factor that makes everything even worse is our inner critic. Instead of being a help, our inner critic keeps pulling us down. Next time you face your inner critic, instead of giving in, take a stand for yourself. Let your inner critic know that it’s wrong. Reassure yourself that everything is alright and engage yourself in activities that bring joy into your life.

Be a helping hand: Helping others can help you help yourself. When we help others, not only we gain confidence in ourselves but also it helps us acknowledge our fortunes and helps us see that there is so much to be grateful for.

Take responsibility: Next time you feel like depending on someone to get something, stop. Take charge of the situation and do it yourself.  Gather resources, ask for help from your peers but don’t ask anyone to do things for you. Start small and do things by yourself. Taking responsibility will not only help you tap the hidden courage but will also prepare for bigger responsibilities.

So how did you let this toxic emotion go? How did you manage to claw your way out of self-pity and how has coming out of the phase has changed your life?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know felt self-pity. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Not Engaging in Self Pity” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.



Read the article? Time to introspect!

Q1. Have you ever felt helpless in a situation? Why? 

Q2. When was the last time you engaged in self-pity? What was the situation?

Q3. Do you also overthink? Does it make the situation easy, or does it make it more difficult?

Q4. How do you feel when you pity yourself? Do you seek help when you engage in self-pity or do you practice positive self-talk?

Q5. What steps do you take to overcome self-pity and move forward?




This module includes the following:

Jump to Module:  Module 1: “Attitudes.  Followed by, “Your Logical Thoughts”.  Then, “Your Unlawful Thoughts”.  Then, “How Well Do You Communicate”.  Then, “Drugs, Alcohol, and You”.  Then, “Your Uncontrolled Anger”.  Followed by, “Is Your Life in Balance”.  Finally, “Your Relationships”.

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”


Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!


I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD

Please Join The Forums. Watch Video

This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!

Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?”  Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!  

#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.

#2  You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.

#3  Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.

#4  You need to do a confession.

#5  And much more.

You Are Never Alone!  Join the Forums!

Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate.  Must participate in our Forums to get certified!  You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.