Module 8: Abandoned as a Child!

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

If you are someone who struggles with abandonment issues, treat it in order to have a healthy relationship!

Every child needs a loving and caring family. Love, acceptance, attention, and safety are few basic needs of every youngster. While some children are lucky enough to receive the love and care they require to thrive, some aren’t so fortunate.

When the physical and emotional needs of a developing child are met, he/she feels loved and accepted. But when parents fail to meet these basic needs, consciously or unconsciously, the child grows up feeling unloved, unwanted, inadequate, unsafe, and abandoned.

And it gets worst. A child could easily carry these painful emotions and opinions about himself in adulthood. Even after growing up, several people experience the fear of rejection and fear of losing someone permanently. In a way, abandonment starts influencing and shaping the life of a child.  

Factors that lead to abandonment issues.

Several factors contribute and lead to abandonment issues. Some of the key factors are as follows:

Sudden death of a loved one: Everyone deals with death differently. Even though death is part of life, it still remains one of the most traumatic events. The unexpected or sudden death of a parent, guardian, close friend, or a family member can contribute to abandonment issues.

Neglect: Children who are neglected during childhood simply accept that their needs are not important. Their desires have no value. Children who face neglect feel unwanted and unloved.

Insufficient resources: Children have needs. But when these needs remain unmet due to poverty or insufficient resources, a child easily becomes a victim of abandonment issues.

Abuse: Children who grow up putting up with verbal violence, physical abuse, or sexual abuse from the parents or guardians who are supposed to protect them easily develop abandonment issues.

Broken relationships: Children who experience the separation of parents at an early age are also prone to developing such issues. Even adults can develop these issues when they face divorce, cheating partners, backstabbing friends, etc.

Signs of Abandonment:

Most people unconsciously allow abandonment issues to influence their personal, professional, as well as social life. Below are some of the major signs that indicate that a person is living in the fear of abandonment.

The constant need for reassurance: People who feel abandoned cling to their partners and need constant reassurance. They feel the need to be sure that the person won’t leave them, and they won’t be left alone.

Getting involved in unhealthy relationships: People are often so afraid of ending up alone that they put up with relationships that bring them down constantly. This is one of the reasons why several people put up with verbal, physical, and sexual abuse for years.

Fear of rejection: Some people are so afraid of rejection that they start seeking an exit before someone rejects them. They reject others to avoid the pain of being discarded.

Trust issues: Since people with abandonment issues grow up feeling unsafe and abused by loved ones, they form the idea that the world is an unsafe place, and no one can be trusted.

They please people: Some people with abandonment issues try too hard to keep or save a relationship. They do too much and give too much just to be accepted. They are too afraid to speak their mind, they are afraid to be themselves, they are too afraid of offending people, they are afraid to be vocal about their needs and they end up pleasing people.

They form a shell: Only a few people are allowed in their world. Others are kept at a safe distance so that when they’ll leave, it wouldn’t hurt. This is one of the reasons why people stop giving too much importance to people in their lives. This is done to avoid getting hurt.

Low self-esteem: Children with abandonment issues grow up feeling unworthy of love and affection. And they carry these toxic beliefs in adulthood. They spend their lives seeking approval from others, feeling inadequate, unworthy, and unloved.  

Dissatisfaction from career: People with abandonment issues are always afraid to ask for a raise, a promotion, better projects, better teams, etc. This leads to dissatisfaction with their career.

People with abandonment issues have a really hard time connecting with other people. They usually experience fear and anxiety while getting close to someone. And when they finally do, they either end up pushing them away as the fear of rejection haunts them or they find themselves clinging to unhealthy and destructive relationships.

But the good news is, abandonment issues can be treated.

Overcoming abandonment issues:

Healing takes time. And everyone moves at their own pace in this journey. If you need time to heal from your abandonment issues, then take it. Don’t rush. As long as you are taking small steps and you are moving forward, you are doing well. Below are some steps that will help you overcome abandonment and lead a healthy life.

Accept and acknowledge: Several people suppress painful old memories. They refuse to think about them as they bring a wave of overwhelming emotions. Some people deny their pain. They refuse to accept that they were once mistreated, abused, or abandoned. The very first step towards healing is accepting and acknowledging the pain that you feel.  

Grieve: In this hard-hearted world, we are often told to not feel our emotions or not to express ourselves. But only after expressing how you truly feel will you feel free. A journal can provide a safe space and can help you express yourself better. Grieving can help you accept the pain you felt and move on.

Socialize better: People often put up with relationships that are abusive or bring them down. But does that lead to any good? People face years of abuse and torment, just because they are afraid of being alone. Stepping out of your comfort zone, meeting with new people, and forming loving, caring, respectful relationships where you feel safe, loved, and accepted, can help you overcome abandonment issues. 

Practice self-care:  Some people do not receive enough care when they are young. And as they grow up, they accept the pattern. They stop taking care of themselves. Self-care is equivalent to self-love. Fulfilling your desires, taking care of your needs, taking care of your health, and doing what you love can help you overcome abandonment issues.

How did you overcome your abandonment issues? What steps did you take and how is your life now?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you were abandoned as a child or an adult. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Helping Those Who have Abandonment Issues” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

 Read the article? Time to introspect!

Q1. Do you also seek constant reassurance in your relationships? Why do you think you need it so much?

Q2. When you meet someone for the first time, do you try to please them or do you voice your opinions?

Q3. Do you find yourself pushing people away? What keeps you from forming meaningful relationships?

Q4. Do you have a self-care routine? If not, would you consider creating for yourself?

Q5. What additional steps do you think can help you overcome fear of abandonment?

Sources:

https://www.goodtherapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/abandonment

https://www.healthline.com/health/mental-health/abandonment-issues#outlook

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/abandonment-issues#symptoms

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
• Healthy Relationships
• Respect in a Relationship
• What is Love
• Bad Relationships
• Neglecting Others
• Being Selfish
• Low Self Esteem
• Self-Pity
• Jealousy
• The Dominator
• The Bully
• Manipulating Others
• Grandiosity
• I am Better Than You
• Abandoned as a Child
• Abandoned by My Children
• Forgiving Others
• Letting Go of Resentment
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD