Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
Have you ever been in a relationship and found yourself doing something you would have never done? Have you ever felt a strong influence over your thoughts? Have you ever felt like your desires are being twisted and your actions are being controlled in a subtle way?
If the answer to all the above questions is yes, then chances are, you are in a relationship with a manipulator.
Manipulation is one of the most subtle yet one of the most notorious traits of an unhealthy relationship. People who practice manipulation intentionally and sometimes unintentionally deeply impact other people’s thoughts, wants, and goals.
By just using their words, manipulators mold other people’s actions so that they can conveniently exploit them to serve their purposes. Manipulation is a sneaky way of taking advantage of someone. Usually, this involves putting a person through a lot of guilt trips, playing blame-games, or using someone’s weakness or desires to take advantage of them.
We come across manipulators every single day. It could be your friend who uses guilt trips to make you do his assignments. It could be a boss who tells you about a big promotion coming your way, or it could be your spouse who showers love and affection for a certain time until he/she gets what he wants.
Being in a relationship with a manipulator usually means contemplating your actions a lot. You do something and instantly, everything becomes your fault. If a manipulator is angry, it’s your fault, if he is sad, it’s your fault and if he ever engages in abusive behavior, guess what? It’s again your fault. The relationship with a manipulator is not only confusing but also toxic and it takes a toll on your mental health. You feel like losing control of your actions as well as your thoughts and it’s usually too late before people realize what’s going on and they decide to walk away for good.
But sometimes the signs of manipulation are visible. They are clearly in front of us but our affection, love, and trust to the other person make us bling and we casually brush being manipulated off. When these signs take a monstrous form, it becomes too late, and the manipulated person starts feeling stuck as the manipulator keeps extracting and keeps on taking advantage.
Signs of manipulation:
Lookout for the following signs in your relationships.
Words differ from actions: Manipulators usually say what the other person wants to hear. They make big promises to gain trust. They know what you seek, what you desire, and you’ll find them telling you repeatedly that they’ll be helping you fulfill them. But when you really need their support, they won’t be there for you. A manipulating friend might tell you that he’ll lend you the money, but he never will. A manipulating lover might tell you that he/she loves you but will ignore your needs. A manipulative boss might tell you that he’ll give you the big raise you’ve been looking forward to but will promote someone else and will take the credit for your work.
They overpromise and overcommit too soon: Every healthy relationship moves at its own pace. People give each other time, and they themselves take time to understand the other person. But not in the case of manipulators. Manipulators overpromise and overcommit too soon. In addition to this, they share their most personal details within a few interactions. Why? Because they want you to feel like “The One”. The one person with whom they are extremely comfortable with, one person with whom they can share all their secrets with, and the one who is super special to them. When manipulators open up, they expect you to do the same. But remember, you don’t have to. You can set the pace of the relationship and firmly yet politely turn them down.
They blackmail you emotionally: Manipulators know no limits when it comes to achieving their goals. They might use your emotions against you, they might use your goals against you, or worse, they might even threaten you. “You’ll lose that raise if you don’t stay extra hours and work hard”, “I will kill myself if you leave me”, “I won’t pass the test if you don’t help me out”. These are some of the sentences that illustrate how manipulators blackmail people around them emotionally to take advantage of them.
They are always the victim: A manipulator will always find ways to put the blame on you. If you are around a manipulator, chances are you’ll find yourself feeling guilty a lot. Even when they are at fault, you’ll be the one who’ll be cleaning up the mess and apologizing. A manipulator will always portray himself/herself as someone who is fragile and will demand extra support from you while making you feel selfish, liable, and confused.
Imagine going through all the trouble just because you trusted the wrong person. Imagine putting someone who loves you through so much suffering so that you can take advantage of their trust, love, and affection. Is that fair??
Breaking the habit:
With some simple steps, a manipulator can stop indulging in this toxic behavior.
Stop the blame game: Next time you feel like pointing fingers, take a moment to analyze the situation. You might be following a pattern of accusing someone else for your suffering when it is you who caused it. Acknowledging your mistakes can actually help you become more responsible and will also help you find solutions to the problem.
Practice clear communication: Instead of using emotional blackmail, practice clear communication without playing the blame game.
Be more open to listening to the word “no”: Next time someone turns you down, take it positively. Instead of putting them through guilt trips, try to understand their perspective and their situation. It’s completely fine if someone chooses to say no. If someone is not comfortable with a situation, it’s their right to take a step back. Understanding this can help you in creating healthy boundaries too.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a manipulator? Have you ever manipulated someone into doing something they didn’t want to do? How did you break the toxic habit?
The essay
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you manipulated someone. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the “Forums”
Our advice is for you to practice “Not Being a Manipulator” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.
What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT. WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS. “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!
Read the article? Time to introspect!
Q1. Have you ever been in a relationship with a manipulator? How was your experience?
Q2. How do you spot a manipulator? How do you recognize the mind games?
Q3. Have you ever tried to manipulate someone to get your way? Why do you think you did it?
Q4. Why do you think people try to manipulate other people instead of engaging in effective communication?
Q5. What additional steps do you think you can take to stop using manipulation as a tool?
Sources:
https://exploringyourmind.com/victim-blaming-manipulation-psychological-violence/
This module includes the following:
- Introduction
- Why Become a Life Coach
- The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
- Healthy Relationships
- Respect in a Relationship
- What is Love
- Bad Relationships
- Neglecting Others
- Being Selfish
- Low Self Esteem
- Self-Pity
- Jealousy
- The Dominator
- The Bully
- Manipulating Others
- Grandiosity
- I am Better Than You
- Abandoned as a Child
- Abandoned by My Children
- Forgiving Others
- Letting Go of Resentment
- Attitude Check & Confession
- Attitude Check & Confession
- Confront and Level
- I Feel Good, PST™
- Why?
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
Respectfully yours,
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.