Module 8: The Bully

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

When most teenagers leave school and get ready to go to college, they believe that their lives will change for good. They believe that they will no longer have to deal with bullies who made their lives miserable in school. But through college years, most of these students face similar people who indulge in bullying to inflict pain on them. After college, when people join the workforce and as they become independent, they believe that they’ll never come across a bully again. But sadly to say, for many adults, nothing changes.  A bully remains a bully!

Bullying in a relationship is very toxic and it exists!

Bullying remains one of the most serious problems even in most high performing schools, colleges, and workplaces. Bullying is one of the most common methods used by kids as well as adults to assert dominance. Bullying comes in several forms. A person can bully another person without the use of physical force. But usually, a bully makes use of physical or verbal violence to isolate, humiliate, or hurt a person.

Emotional ways of bullying include making fun, starting rumors, isolating someone on purpose, name-calling, yelling, rude gestures and passing around mean comments about a person’s race, gender, financial status, etc. On the other hand, physical means of bullying include bringing harm to other’s property, pushing, hitting, or fighting.

Bullying inflicts many wounds upon the victim. Bullying not only causes mental or physical harm but also can lead to traumas that could haunt a person for a lifetime. According to the meta-analysis conducted by Hawker and Boulton in the year 2000, victims of bullying were found to be more associated with low self-esteem, depression, anxiety, and loneliness. There have been several cases where people ended their lives because they were tired of being a victim of bullying. 

So, what can a person do when he/she comes across a bully? Are there ways of dealing with a bully positively?

The good news is, yes there are.

Dealing with a bully

Remember, bullies indulge in bullying so that they can assert dominance over you. So that they can make you feel insecure about yourself. By taking a few steps, you can leave your bullies feeling powerless. Let’s see how.

Start talking: Suffering in silence always makes things worse. And the very first step towards fixing a problematic situation is talking. Students can bring attention to the issue by talking to parents, elders, teachers, or someone they trust. If you are an adult facing a bully in the workplace, you can approach the human resource department or seek help from your supervisor.

Seek support: In several cases, victims of bullying often start building walls around them because of their newly born insecurities. They isolate themselves from other people. It’s important to understand that when victims isolate themselves and stop seeking support from their peers, they help bullies accomplish their goals. Instead of escaping, seeking support from friends, family and people can help you reduce the impact of the situation.

Know your rights: In several cases, people suffer because they are simply unaware of their rights. They put up with things just because they are uninformed.  Since bullying is not confined to one place anymore, it becomes important to inform students about their rights. If you have minors at home, make sure to educate them about bullying and let them know their rights and the actions they can take against the bully.  If you are in an organization, you can ask your supervisor or the HR about proper protocol and actions that can be taken against bullying.

Keep check of your reactions: One of the reasons why bullies indulge in destructive behavior is because they want a reaction out of you. They want to witness how their actions affect you and what’s the level of the impact. Instead of reacting emotionally towards a bully, creating a plan of action can help you address the situation.

Be confident: Bullies usually look for easy targets. They look for people who cannot take a stand for themselves or who come across as under-confident. Hence, one of the most effective ways of dealing with bullies is being confident. Speaking to a bully in a confident and unemotional way can help you overcome bullying. When you are confident, it gives a bully an idea that you won’t hesitate to take action if he/she crosses the line.

Setting Boundaries: One of the most important aspects of healthy relationships is setting boundaries. Boundaries not only let people know what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable but also help you set the tone of the relationship. When you set strict boundaries, people think twice before crossing them. Telling a bully that certain behavior is unacceptable and unreasonable can help you establish boundaries from the very start.

Don’t blame yourself: When people get bullied, they sometimes lose themselves in the situation. The actions and words of the bully take over their thoughts and the inner critic becomes even louder. When this happens, the situation becomes worse as they face harshness from the outside as well as inside and as a result, people often start blaming themselves. It’s important to realize that blaming yourself is never the solution. Knowing that something is wrong with the bully, not with you, can help you see the situation as it is.

Staying engaged:  Staying engaged and keeping yourself distracted can help you with keeping negative emotions at bay. If you have minors at home, make sure they stay occupied with some activity. If you are in college, you can enroll in different classes to keep yourself distracted. If bullies are making you miserable in your workplace, keep yourself occupied with learning a new skill or trying your hands at new projects. Not only this will help you stay distracted, but it will also help you improve yourself.

Take professional help: If you are someone who is unable to cope with being bullied, talk to a professional therapist who can help you lessen the impact of the situation. You can seek help from your school or college counselor as well. If you are an adult, you can talk to a professional counselor and seek additional support.

Have you ever faced bullies in your adulthood? How did you cope with the situation and what steps did you take?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you were bullied, or you bullied someone. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Not Being a Bully” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

Read the article? Time to introspect!

Q1. Have you ever faced any kind of bullying in school or adult life? How was your experience?

Q2. Have you ever bullied someone to assert dominance? Why?

Q3. Are you aware of your rights? Are you aware of what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable with you?

Q4. Do you take action when you face a bully? Do you prefer to talk about it?

Q5. According to you, what is the best way to deal with a bully?

 Sources:

https://bullyingnoway.gov.au/WhatIsBullying/Pages/Types-of-bullying.aspx

https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/the-couch/201702/6-smarter-ways-deal-bully

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
• Healthy Relationships
• Respect in a Relationship
• What is Love
• Bad Relationships
• Neglecting Others
• Being Selfish
• Low Self Esteem
• Self-Pity
• Jealousy
• The Dominator
• The Bully
• Manipulating Others
• Grandiosity
• I am Better Than You
• Abandoned as a Child
• Abandoned by My Children
• Forgiving Others
• Letting Go of Resentment
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD