Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
Everyone cares for his/her wellbeing. There is no one on the planet who doesn’t. All living beings are designed to care for themselves and to strive to meet their needs. But sometimes, we go a few steps ahead for our self-interests.
We all are aware of the terms selfish, self-centered, self-obsessed, and self-absorbed. When these words are spoken, they spark a negative emotion. These words are so strong and define a person’s character so precisely that no one likes being labeled as one.
The person who puts his needs before the needs of others is considered selfish. A selfish person doesn’t concern himself about the wants and desires of those around him and goes to any lengths to achieve his goals. Though it is always taught that a person should not indulge in this attitude, the recent debates and arguments state otherwise.
Several people around the web and self-proclaimed gurus have made the statement that there is nothing wrong with being selfish. In fact, being selfish has now become one of the most celebrated personality traits.
The opposite of selfish is selfless. The one who puts the needs and wants of others before his own. And it is often advised to cultivate this attitude. But several surveys have revealed that selfless people experience most hurt and dissatisfaction in their lives.
So, the question arises; is being selfish wrong or right? Were the moral science lectures that we were given in our childhood days inaccurate? And most importantly, does being selfless makes a person miserable? Let’s find out.
Selfish VS Selfless
There is no denying that selfless people do reap the inner benefits. The satisfaction of lending a hand to someone in need, the ability to pull people out of their situation, and helping people achieve their goals. Indulging in these activities do give a huge satisfaction. The person feels an immense amount of joy and happiness when he witnesses how his efforts are making a world of difference in someone else’s life. But sometimes, people who lead a selfless life feel like they are being taken for granted.
Sometimes people who put their own needs after the needs and wants of others feel like they are being exploited. Since they are always second on their own list, since their own desires and needs come after someone else’s, they always feel less satisfied with the quality of life they lead. Their choices and major life decisions often get influenced by the wishes and desires of others, which results in regret and unhappiness.
In the case of selfish people, things are different since they are always striving to fulfill their own wishes, wants, and desires. They lead quite satisfying lives. They stay focused on their goals and sometimes even go the extra mile to achieve them. But since they always have a motive, sometimes their desires take a toll on their relationships.
Disadvantages of being selfish:
There are certain advantages to being selfish. And as many bloggers and motivational gurus are preaching, it can be rewarding to some extent. Selfish people are often more productive and less distracted. Selfish people also live their lives on their own set of terms which gives them a greater sense of control. Since their decisions do not get influenced easily, they lead happy and fulfilling lives.
But when personal desire starts outweighing the value of relationships and needs of loved once, selfishness tarnishes relationships. A selfish person pays the price in several ways, some of which are as follows:
Loneliness: When people realize that a selfish person is not willing to reciprocate what they do for him/her, they start distancing themselves. As a result, a selfish person often finds himself alone.
Lost reputation: People who ignore the needs of others wanting to fulfill their own goals are often labeled as “users”. When this happens, selfish people struggle to form new relationships and long-lasting bonds.
Tarnished relationships: Sometimes for personal gains, people cross boundaries which takes a toll on their long-term relationships. Sometimes, people take advantage of other people and when this happens, people lose trust, and it leads to damaged relationships.
Lack of gratitude: Selfish People often feel entitled to taking advantage of those around them. When someone does something for them, instead of feeling grateful, they feel entitled.
Jealousy: Selfish people often experience jealousy when they see others achieving their goals. Since everything is always about them, they hate it when someone else gets some spotlight.
So, what should a person do? Should a person be self-less and live a life full of unhappiness and dissatisfaction? Or a person should be self-centered and live in loneliness?
Finding the balance
For living a fulfilling life, finding a balance between selflessness and selfishness is crucial. More inclination towards any one of these can lead to distress. Hence, it’s important to find the right scope and the amount of selfish or selfless you can be.
Selfishness does not always lead to bad things. To understand this better, let’s dig in further.
Selfishness can be divided into two parts:
Positive selfishness: A person’s selfishness can also bring positive outcomes. For example, if someone is determined to achieve his goal of a clean city, less pollution, or feeding the hungry, it can lead to positive changes. Similarly, positive selfishness enables a person to take better care of himself, looks after his needs, and maintains better health.
Negative selfishness: When a person tries to achieve his goals by bringing harm to others, or by taking advantage of others, that’s negative selfishness. But the good news is, people who practice negative selfishness can break the habit with a few simple steps.
Breaking the habit
Welcoming a major life shift is always exciting, but also, it requires patience. You might find yourself feeling tempted to take advantage of someone or to go to lengths in order to achieve your goals, but don’t beat yourself up. Practicing the following will help you in breaking the habit.
Practice empathy: Practicing empathy enables you to walk in other people’s shoes and helps you see the situation from their perspective. It can help you see how a person feels and how much hurt they experience when you try to use them for personal gains.
Rethink: Whenever you feel like taking advantage of someone, think of other ways of achieving the goals or accomplishing the task.
Ask for help: Instead of taking advantage, asking for help can not only enable you to achieve your goals but can also enable you to form bonds with people.
Practice gratitude: Last but not least, practice gratitude. When someone does something nice for you, be grateful and try to be available when they are in need.
Do you consider yourself selfish? On the scale of one to ten, how would you rate yourself? How ditching negative selfishness and adopting positive selfishness has changed your life?
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you acted selfish. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the “Forums”
Our advice is for you to practice “Not Being Selfish” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.
What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT. WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS. “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!
Read the article? Time to introspect!
Q1. Would you say you are a selfish person or a selfless person? Can you list five traits that support your claim?
Q2. Is being selfish a good thing? What do you think?
Q3. Do you think selfless people suffer the most? Do you think they get exploited repeatedly?
Q4. How has selfishness impacted your relationships?
Q5. After reading the article, would you say you would like to practice positive selfishness?
This module includes the following:
- Why Become a Life Coach
- The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
- Healthy Relationships
- Respect in a Relationship
- What is Love
- Bad Relationships
- Neglecting Others
- Being Selfish
- Low Self Esteem
- The Dominator
- The Bully
- Manipulating Others
- I am Better Thank You
- Abandoned as a Child
- Abandoned by My Children
- Forgiving Others
- Letting Go of Resentment
- Attitude Check & Confession
- Confront and Level
- I Feel Good, PST™
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.