Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships
by: George Tannous, PhD
Print Module “Healthy Vs. Unhealthy Relationships!
Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships by: George Tannous, PhD
Become a Certified Life Coach
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Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
Human beings are social beings. There is no doubt that in order to survive and thrive, we need relationships to make our lives more satisfying and joyful. And we do find these relationships everywhere we go. From workplace acquaintances to gym class companions, from community comrades to romantic lovers, we all look for forming relationships wherever we go.
But just like two sides of a coin, relationships also have two sides. On one hand, relationships enrich our lives, they render us immense joy and happiness. But at the same time, relationships can be pretty difficult and can easily take a toll on our mental and physical health. Relationships can be easily divided into healthy and unhealthy relationships.
It’s a fact that no relationship is perfect, and it doesn’t have to be. Yes, social media and modern philosophies have indeed set unrealistic expectations and goals for interpersonal relationships, but it’s a given fact that no relationship is flawless. Every relationship comes with a certain level of disagreements, disappointments, and disapprovals. It is impossible to create a relationship by excluding these factors, but a relationship should make you happy instead of miserable.
Certain factors differentiate healthy relationships from unhealthy relationships. So, let’s start with healthy relationships and see what these factors are.
Healthy Relationships
Healthy relationships add enjoyment, inspiration, satisfaction, and relief to our lives. These relationships don’t form overnight and require constant and consistent work and patience. But for all the work you put in, you do get rewards. Healthy relationships give us a sense of belonging and hope. When we are surrounded by people we love and trust, we feel safe, secure, and most of all, we feel loved back.
Pillars of Healthy relationship
In order to stay strong, every structure requires pillars. When one of these pillars is missing, the structure loses its balance and falls apart. Similarly, healthy relationships also have pillars that provide constant support, and these pillars are as follows:
Respect
One of the most crucial pillars of every relationship is respect. If you feel disrespected in a relationship, it won’t last long. Mutual respect is the cornerstone of every healthy relationship. When you respect one other in a relationship, it implies that you embrace your differences and accept others as they are.
Trust
Wouldn’t a relationship become extremely exhausting if you are always guessing and questioning other people’s intentions? Trust gives you the ability to rely on one another. You know your lover, your family and your friends are going to be there for you no matter what happens, which helps you feel safe.
Honesty
Another pillar is honesty. But we often confuse honesty with the invasion of privacy. It’s completely fine if a person doesn’t want you involved in certain areas of his/her life or doesn’t want to reveal factual information about his/her past at a certain point in a relationship. But if a person is honest about how he/she feels, stays honest about who they are, that’s more than sufficient.
Healthy disagreements
We all can disagree with each other and yet we can all coexist. Every relationship comes with a certain level of conflict and disagreement. Many times, people are not on the same page. And it’s okay. The important thing is to openly and respectfully discuss these conflicts and disagreements and find a middle ground that suits and favors everyone in the relationship.
Amusement and happiness
You make each other smile, you ensure each other’s happiness and sometimes, laughter is so contagious that your stomach starts to hurt. Your face lights up when you see each other, you can be yourself in each other’s company. It’s all about having a good time and making great memories.
Freedom
Sometimes, people want to be with each other so much that they start restricting each other without even realizing it. While it’s natural to not want to share a person with someone else, it does take a toll on the relationship. Giving each other a healthy amount of space, respecting one’s privacy, and giving each other freedom to enjoy life on their own terms is also a crucial part of a relationship.
For every relationship, these pillars help in building a strong foundation. When these pillars are present in your relationship, you feel satisfied, loved, and cared for. But what happens when these pillars are absent?
Unhealthy relationships
As Adler said, “All problems are interpersonal relationship”. And that’s absolutely true. While all relationships cause a certain amount of stress and discomfort, unhealthy relationships cause you an immense amount of stress, discomfort, pain, and anxiety. People in unhealthy relationships are always unsure and they often feel stuck. They know they should be looking for a way out, but something keeps them from leaving. In addition to the absence of all the pillars, unhealthy relationships usually consist of a person who inflicts pain and a person who puts up with it. Let’s explore these people one by one who make relationships difficult and exhausting.
The Dominator
A dominator always tries to control every aspect of your life by using tactics tailored to serve his/her purpose. It’s usually exhausting to live with a person who is always in charge and makes the rules of your life and your relationships. As time passes by, dominating behavior can also turn into emotional and mental abuse and can take a serious toll on your mental and physical health.
The neglector
Neglect is a subtle form of emotional abuse. There is nothing more painful than being neglected by the person you love. The worst part is a person might be completely unaware of the fact that he/she is neglecting you. When you face neglect, you feel invisible, you feel what you bring to the table doesn’t hold much value, and you constantly feel exhausted.
The manipulator
Manipulators are people who use their actions, desires, and thoughts to get you to do things you don’t want to do. It’s a completely different scenario when two people reach a decision by having healthy discussions and mutual consent. But when people start twisting your thoughts and feelings to get their way, they use emotional tactics to serve their purposes and it’s never a happy ending.
The bully
Bulling is not limited to young children or teenagers. We all encounter bullies in the workplace, we sometimes mistakenly identify them as friends and sometimes, we even fall in love with them. A bully is someone who always finds ways to undermine your efforts. He uses force, abuse, and strain to get his/her way. Forming relationships with a bully often brings pain as they are always unaware of their boundaries, and they don’t know when to stop.
The instigator
An instigator is someone who gives rise to conflicts between two people. The one who thrives on gossips and loves it when there is a disagreement between two people. One of the reasons for engaging in this behavior is to feel powerful. Imagine living with a person who loves to ruin your relationships with others.
Does your relationship stands strong with the pillars of a healthy relationship, or do you find yourself struggling or feeling stuck? Do you feel comfortable, or do you feel immensely stressed?
The essay
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know were involved in an unhealthy relationship. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the “Forums”
Our advice is for you to practice “Healthy Relationships” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.
What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT. WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS. “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!
Read the article? Time to introspect!
Q1. What challenges do you face in your relationships?
Q2. Can you list out all the healthy relationships in your life?
Q3. Can you list out all the unhealthy relationships in your life? Why do you think these listed relationships are unhealthy?
Q4. Can you say your relationships boast all six pillars?
Q5. How have unhealthy relationships affected your life?
Sources:
https://www.healtheminds.com/articles/six-pillars-healthy-relationship/
This module includes the following:
- Introduction
- Why Become a Life Coach
- The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
- Healthy Relationships
- Respect in a Relationship
- What is Love
- Bad Relationships
- Neglecting Others
- Being Selfish
- Low Self Esteem
- Self-Pity
- Jealousy
- The Dominator
- The Bully
- Manipulating Others
- Grandiosity
- I am Better Than You
- Abandoned as a Child
- Abandoned by My Children
- Forgiving Others
- Letting Go of Resentment
- Attitude Check & Confession
- Confront and Level
- I Feel Good, PST™
- Why?
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
Respectfully yours,
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.