Module 8: Low Self Esteem

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

Do you doubt yourself and your capabilities constantly? Do you feel under-confident when it comes to your skills and capabilities? Do you suppress your voice and accept the unfair treatment without resistance? Do you feel overwhelmed while being vocal about your needs and desires?

If the answer to the above questions is yes, then chances are that you might have low self-esteem.

Self-esteem plays a crucial role in our lives. Almost every aspect of our lives is influenced by how we see and what opinions we hold about ourselves. 

An individual with high self-esteem is someone who believes in his capabilities and skills. He thinks of himself as someone who is loved, wanted, and needed. These people are aware of their weaknesses as well as strengths and strive to improve themselves every day. High self-esteem enables a person to accept new challenges and helps him see learning opportunities in every given circumstance. Also, high-self-esteem enables him to have a better personal life, finer career, and a healthier social life. In a way, it can be said that high-self-esteem enables a person to create a life he truly desires.

But we all feel under-confident from time to time. And it’s completely natural. When life throws new challenges, new situations, new changes, we sometimes feel overwhelmed, and when we are forced to step out of our comfort zone, feeling a bit under-confident is completely usual.

But problems arise when low confidence levels start interfering with your day-to-day life.  Low self-esteem can get in the way of your personal, professional as well as social life. It can completely influence how you view yourself, your goals, your career, your relationships, and your life in the long-term. It can confine you to a box of limiting beliefs and keep you from leading a healthy life.

What is low self-esteem?  

Self-esteem is your self-image. How you see yourself and the opinions you hold about yourself. And people with low self-esteem are known to hold negative beliefs about themselves. They spend their lives feeling inadequate, incapable, powerless, and unreliable. The perception of not being good enough haunts and cripples them which keeps them from moving forward in life. “I am not good enough for a raise”, “I don’t have the skills to get that job”, “Who would want to be in a relationship with a mess like me?”. These are a few examples that show the thoughts of a person with low self-esteem.

Factors that lead to low self-esteem

Several factors lead to low esteem. In most cases, low-self-esteem is the result of poor parenting style and in some cases, it stems from abusive relationships. Below are some factors that lead to poor self-image.

Poor parenting: Every child needs love and attention. But not every child is fortunate. When abusive parents refuse to provide the love and attention a child needs and deserves, remain uninvolved, treat their children unfairly, it leads to low self-esteem.

Abusive relationships: We all have a basic need of being accepted and the need of not being judged. But when close friends, family members, coworkers repeatedly tell us that we are not good enough, compare us to others, indulge in abusive conversations, and repeatedly make us feel degraded, it can lead to low self-esteem.

Humiliation: When children face bullying and receive no help from people or adults they trust; or when adults become a part of a group that constantly bring them down, cause them to feel guilt, inferior, or shame, it makes them feel unworthy which leads to poor self-image and low self-esteem.

Harsh inner critic: We all have an inner critic who keeps analyzing our actions and pushes us to be better and to do better. The way we talk to ourselves and treat ourselves can influence our self-image and self-worth. The harsh and overly critical voices inside our heads lead to low self-esteem.

Uplifting the low Self-esteem

Low self-esteem not only influences the quality of your life but also impacts your emotional health. People with low self-esteem have a negative outlook towards life and they often become victims of anxiety, fear, loneliness, and depression. In addition to this, since people with low self-esteem focus on not making errors or mistakes, they lack decision-making skills as they are always afraid of misfortunes. Their social life is also not spared. People who suffer from low self-esteem often succumb to peer pressure and strive to gain approval from people.

The good news is, there are steps that you can take to uplift your self-esteem and improve the quality of your life. Below are some tips that can help you:

Practice positive self-talk: Our inner critic gets really harsh sometimes which leaves us with self-doubt, feeling of inadequacy, and anxiety. Toning down the inner critic and practicing positive and uplifting self-talk can help you get rid of the uncertainty and can boost your morale. 

Introspect: Sometimes, due to past experiences, we form permanent beliefs to protect ourselves and to avoid similar experiences. Our defense mechanism creates limits for ourselves. Sometimes, due to certain failures, we also create negative beliefs. Introspecting can help you recognize these limiting beliefs as well as negative assumptions and can enable you to correct them. Maintaining a journal is a great way of introspecting. Not only it gives you a safe space, but it also allows you to express yourself productively and positively.

Everyone makes mistakes: People with low self-esteem often hold on to their past mistakes. They keep reminding themselves about the negative experiences they had, which keeps them from making crucial decisions. It’s important to realize that no one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. And it’s completely fine. Taking mistakes as learning experiences can help them grow and become better.

Refrain from Comparing: When you compare yourself with others, you automatically raise the question, “Am I good enough?”. Everyone has some qualities and some flaws. Hence comparing yourself with others becomes pointless. 

Know your rights: People with low self-esteem who face unfair treatment or injustice often maintain their silence. Many believe they deserve it, many fear abandonment and many believe that their situation won’t improve. They accept the circumstances without any resistance. This is why they put up with abusive relationships for years and tolerate the abuse. Knowing your rights, the difference between what should be accepted and what shouldn’t be, can help you stand up for yourself.

Establish healthy boundaries: People with low self-esteem often get walked over time and time again. Establishing healthy boundaries and becoming vocal about how you like to be treated and what’s not acceptable can help you let people know what’s ok and what’s not.

Socialize better: Most people hang out with people who constantly bring them down, degrade them, or take them for granted. If you are stuck in a social group that insults you or makes you feel not good enough, then say goodbye because that is the right decision. Socializing with people who bring out the best in you, who make you feel accepted and loved can help you uplift your self-esteem.

Have you ever suffered from low self-esteem? How did you combat it?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know struggled with low self-esteem. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Confidence” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

 Read the article? Time to introspect!

Q1. Do you feel loved, wanted, and needed in your relationships?

Q2. Describe your inner critic. How do you address yourself? What tone do you use inside your head while talking to yourself?

Q3. Do you hold onto your past mistakes? Why do you think you can’t let those go?

Q4. Do you compare yourself with others? Why do you feel the need to do so?

Q5. Do you find yourself putting up with unfair behavior because deep down you are afraid of abandonment? Why do you think people will leave you?

Sources:

http://www.goodchoicesgoodlife.org/choices-for-young-people/boosting-self-esteem/

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/stress-anxiety-depression/raising-low-self-esteem/

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
• Healthy Relationships
• Respect in a Relationship
• What is Love
• Bad Relationships
• Neglecting Others
• Being Selfish
• Low Self Esteem
• Self-Pity
• Jealousy
• The Dominator
• The Bully
• Manipulating Others
• Grandiosity
• I am Better Than You
• Abandoned as a Child
• Abandoned by My Children
• Forgiving Others
• Letting Go of Resentment
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD