Module 8: Respect in a Relationship

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

When most people are asked about the most important element of a healthy relationship, they often say love, affection or give and take.  Some also say trust and some also point their fingers at freedom. While all these are essential pillars of a healthy relationship, there is one important pillar that is crucial for a strong foundation.

And that pillar is respect. Why? 

Can you love someone who constantly pushes you around? Can you be with someone who constantly degrades you and tears you apart? Can you form a relationship with someone who doesn’t care about your needs and opinions?

The answer is no, right?

When people in a relationship lack mutual respect, the relationship starts struggling to survive and love automatically evaporates. For many, respect comes before every pillar of the healthy relationship.

When we were young, we were taught to respect our professors, our parents, and elders. We were taught to give respect to authority figures. But when you are in a relationship, nobody is the authority figure.

Having respect in a relationship means everyone is equal and the opinions of everyone matter. It means you cherish the similarities and accept the differences. You give others the freedom to be themselves around you without being judgmental or critical. You trust and treat each other well even when at times you disagree with each other.

When the cornerstone of a relationship is mutual respect, the relationship thrives. And there are some signs of a healthy relationship that indicate mutual respect.

Signs of respect in a relationship

They pay attention: Paying attention not just means listening, but it also means you pay attention to each other’s needs, wants, and concerns. In addition to this, you appreciate each other’s presence, and you don’t take each other for granted.

Boundaries are respected: When a relationship is constructed on mutual respect, people acknowledge boundaries. They understand that no means no. They respect your privacy and personal space. They don’t push you to do things you don’t want to do, and they understand your perspective and give importance to your comfort.

Winning becomes secondary: No two people can be the same. Every relationship comes with differences, and clashes are a part of relationships. But the important part is how these differences are handled. When arguments or disagreement arises, people in relationships that are based on mutual respect find a middle ground instead of striving to win.

They keep promises: Ever been in a relationship where things are unpredictable? Where your coworker, your boss, your friend, or your spouse keeps you guessing all the time? Relationships are formed to help people feel safe and secure. But in many cases, people easily flip their words and break promises. Not only this gives rise to confusion but also tarnishes trust. When relationships are formed and respect is the foundation, people keep their promises, and their actions align with their words.

But what if a relationship lacks an appropriate amount of respect? What if respect in a relationship is just not enough? Can something be done in this case? The answer is yes. And here are some simple steps which you can cultivate respect in a relationship.

Cultivating respect in a relationship

The very first step is to have respect for yourself. When it comes to relationships, many people start putting up with things because of several reasons. Sometimes they do it because they feel insecure, sometimes they do it because of fear and sometimes, they just want to be accepted. While it all seems great in the start, people gradually start losing themselves in the relationship. The line between what’s acceptable and what’s unacceptable starts to blur as the tone of the relationship gets set in the initial stage and instead of bringing joy, these relationships bring people sorrow and misery. 

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent”. These powerful words were spoken by Eleanor Roosevelt. Having respect for yourself is the very first step to forming healthy relationships where the respect you give to others gets reciprocated. Respecting yourself doesn’t mean thinking highly of yourself or being too proud of yourself. It simply means accepting yourself as who you are. You know you have flaws; you know you are not perfect, but that’s okay. No one can make you feel inferior or bad about yourself. You haven’t given that authority to anyone.

It’s important to create and know your own boundaries. You must know what’s acceptable with you and what’s not.

Stop Judging: When you judge someone, you indirectly imply that they are not good enough for you. You imply that things should be a “certain” way. Judgments not only make you look for imperfections in others but also take a toll on your relationships. But this clause is mostly misunderstood. It’s important to understand that when we say don’t judge, we are talking about the person, not his/her actions. We are not asking you to blur the line between right and wrong. If you are in a degrading relationship, if you are in a relationship where verbal and physical violence are used to communicate thoughts, it’s time to leave.

Give freedom: When people hold on tight, relationships suffocate.  Respecting each other’s hobbies, interests and giving them space to pursue them helps people grow. Instead of restricting them, give them the space they need. This doesn’t mean stop paying attention to them or start ignoring them. It means allowing them to explore while trusting them that they’ll come back to you.

Be mindful of your words: Words cut deeper than a double-edged sword. Things you say today will stay with someone forever. If you are someone who gets upset quickly and your tongue starts making most of your decisions, you can practice diplomacy and empathy. Not only this will help you improve the way you have conversations with someone, but it will also help you manage your anger effectively. 

Are you someone who gets respected or not? What steps are you planning to take or what steps have you taken to make amendments in your relationships?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know were disrespected. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Be Respectful of Others” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

 Read the article? Time to introspect!

Q1. Have you ever been in a relationship with a disrespectful person? How was your relationship?

Q2. How comfortable do you feel when it comes to setting healthy boundaries? Do you feel the usual or do you feel anxious?

Q3. Do you also give someone authority to take decisions on your behalf when you get into a relationship? Why?

Q4. What’s your definition of a respectful relationship?

Q5. What steps would you take to transform your relationship into a respectful one?

Sources:

http://sova.pitt.edu/educateyourself-8-signs-of-respectful-love

https://www.teenhealthcare.org/blog/6-ways-to-show-respect-in-your-relationship/

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
• Healthy Relationships
• Respect in a Relationship
• What is Love
• Bad Relationships
• Neglecting Others
• Being Selfish
• Low Self Esteem
• Self-Pity
• Jealousy
• The Dominator
• The Bully
• Manipulating Others
• Grandiosity
• I am Better Thank You
• Abandoned as a Child
• Abandoned by My Children
• Forgiving Others
• Letting Go of Resentment
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD