Module 8: Abandoned by My Children!

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

It is hard to have a healthy relationship if you keep on striving for your children to act and become respectful of you.  To love you. To place you at the top priority of their list.  Need to just move on with your life!

As parents, it doesn’t matter how old our children get, they’ll always remain our children. It doesn’t matter how old they get; we’ll always try our best to look out for them and keep them safe. When we arrive in this world, the lives of our parents change. For them, everything becomes about us. Their priorities change, their lifestyle changes and we, in a way, become their world.

Throughout our lives, our parents keep showering us with unconditional love and affection. Even when we are situated miles away from them, they easily find reasons to get in touch to strike a conversation. Even when we fail to meet the expectations set by society, our parents always accept us with open arms.

But sadly, especially nowadays, the love and affection parents give to their children don’t get reciprocated.

Our parents not only raised us but also prepared us to face the world on our own. They share their experiences, teach us valuable lessons, and strive to make us independent and strong. But when children become ready to spread their wings and fly, sometimes they never look back.  

And then begins the long wait. Parents wait for their children to come back, pay a visit, and ask about their well-being. But in several cases, these don’t happen too often. Imagine, giving your children your everything just to see them leave and lose them forever. 

Through the passage of time, relationships evolved but not in a good manner. It became a world of give and take and conditional love, if there are people in this world who love us unconditionally, they are our parents. But still, several parents lead a life full of loneliness. Several parents feel stuck while living with their children where their needs are constantly neglected and many end up in nursing homes discarded and abandoned. 

Why do elderlies get abandoned?

There are several reasons why elderlies get abandoned. Some of the reasons are as follows:

Medical bills: Every family lives on a budget. And every family is not prepared for the piling up of medical bills. In the era of expensive medical care, when parents do not have enough savings, and the children also start running out of funds, several adult children choose to abandon their parents and cut ties with them.

Health issues: With old age comes several health issues. And for some, taking care of elderlies with disabilities becomes overwhelming. While some seek the help of professional caretakers and nurses, some can’t, which leads to abandonment. 

Career and job: Career and job often drive people away from home. Some people relocate miles away and some relocate to a completely different country. Due to these reasons, many fail to visit their parents for years and sometimes decades, which leads to the feeling of abandonment.  

Busy lifestyle: The busy lifestyle and the jam-packed schedule often get in the way of spending time with your loved ones. People barely get time for their own children and for themselves, which makes parents feel rejected.  

Clashes: No two generations can be the same. There are always some clashes between the previous generation and the new generation. This often results in resentment which leads to abandonment. 

Spouses:  Sometimes spouse don’t like their in laws, period!

Familiar environment: Several elderlies refrain from moving to new places. They get too accustomed to the familiar environment and confine themselves to their own houses. When children become unable to pay visits, they feel abandoned. 

Small accommodations: Several adults live in small studio apartments. Several live in two-bedroom apartments. Small accommodations keep children from inviting their parents to live with them, which makes parents feel left out. 

Several factors lead to the abandonment of parents by their children. Needless to say, it hurts. It’s important to understand that there will be hurdles, but if both, parents, as well as adult children try, they can find a middle ground to work things out. 

How to Overcome Being Abandoned by Your Children?

Below are few steps adult children as well as elderlies can take to combat abandonment effectively:

Professional assistance: Old age is not easy. A person suffering from diseases can easily feel rejected. If you can’t pay a visit to your parents, make sure someone checks on them regularly. You can call professional caretakers or nurses to ensure your parents are doing well and are getting the care they need.

Pay visits: If your place is not way too far away from your parent’s home, then you can plan to spend the weekend with them. If you can’t visit them, you can ask a friend to check on them. 

Give them a call: It doesn’t matter how many miles away you live from your parents; all it takes is a phone call to make them feel loved. Talking for only five minutes daily and sharing quick updates about your routine, life events, new projects, etc. can help them feel cherished.  

Understand and let go: Sometimes, elderlies end up asserting and imposing their points of view on adult children which leads to conflicts. Sometimes, adult children also fail to understand their perspective. With time, these conflicts multiply, and children decide to abandon their parents. It’s important for both sides to be open-minded as well as flexible. And it’s crucial to remember that we can agree to disagree with each other but we can still love each other.

Socialize better: Elderlies easily become the victim of loneliness even when they are surrounded by their children and grandchildren. Children get occupied with their lives and work while grandchildren stay busy in their own world. This intensifies the feeling of being rejected and abandoned. Hence, it’s important to socialize with people who can understand you. People of your own age. Socializing better can enable elderlies to share their experiences with people who understand them, can give them a healthy outlet, and effectively enable them to combat loneliness.  

Get busy: Age is just a number. You are never too old to pick up a new hobby. You can learn new things from your home, or you can join classes to keep yourself busy. This can enable you to socialize and can equip you with a new enthusiasm towards life.

Do you or someone you know feel abandoned by your (their) children? What measures are you taking to cope with the feeling and how are those measures are helping you?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you were abandoned by your children. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to do some research on stories of people abandoned by their children for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

Read the article? Time to introspect!

Q1. Do you live with your parents? If not, how often do you pay your parents visits?

Q2. Our parents think differently from us. How do you deal with the differences between the thinking patterns? 

Q3. How often do you call your parents in a week?

Q4. Do elderlies in your house socialize? Are you taking any steps to help them form a supportive community?

Q5. What steps do you think can help elderlies and decrease the rate of abandonment by children?

 Sources:

https://stanolaw.com/elderly-abandonment-issue-avoid/

https://www.completecare.ca/blog/5-tips-seniors-stay-connected-family/

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• The Difference Between Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships
• Healthy Relationships
• Respect in a Relationship
• What is Love
• Bad Relationships
• Neglecting Others
• Being Selfish
• Low Self Esteem
• Self-Pity
• Jealousy
• The Dominator
• The Bully
• Manipulating Others
• Grandiosity
• I am Better Than You
• Abandoned as a Child
• Abandoned by My Children
• Forgiving Others
• Letting Go of Resentment
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD