Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
I Can’t: From childhood we are taught to think positively. As we grow up we encounter this concept over and over again. We see it on the television, we hear it on the radio, and we read it in spiritual magazines. But there are two words that still belong to our vocabulary. It doesn’t matter how positive or optimistic we are, there are two words we often use: the words are “I can’t.”
We all are guilty of using these words. At some point in our lives, we all have used them for different reasons. Sometimes, we use them as an excuse and sometimes they are the result of our mindset. So how do these words impact our lives?
The impact of “I can’t!”
When we say I can’t, we rob ourselves of opportunities. Opportunities of stepping out of our comfort zone, facing our fears, or experiencing something new. We often pull ourselves back when life renders us opportunities to learn and grow.
Sometimes, even when we are capable, qualified or curious, we restrict ourselves. We put barriers around ourselves and quickly start seeking refuge. And the easiest way of staying inside the comfort zone is to say, “I can’t.”
It might seem like saying I can’t is making life simpler, but if you look closely, it’s tying you down. Just because we don’t want to invite change, we use these words as an excuse to escape.
I can’t go back to college because it’s too late for me; I can’t apply for that job because I don’t have the adequate skills; I can’t quit drinking because my father was an alcoholic; I can’t lose weight because obesity is a common problem in my family.
Why do we do this to ourselves? Why do we put barricades in front of our progress?
Reasons behind the “I can’t” mindset:
There are many reasons why we use these words. At the start the reasons are obvious, but as we progress in our lives and start using these words as our go-to response, the reasons get masked. But digging deeper has always been the key to self-improvement and revealing these reasons will help us see clearly why exactly we are holding ourselves back.
Inability to accept change: When we get used to our comfort zone, change becomes challenging. Getting out of our comfort zone can seem frightening and hence we decide to stay confined.
Low confidence: Believing in us has always been the primary factor for achieving goals. But when our beliefs are shaky and we can’t count on ourselves, we make excuses to hide from the situation.
Fear of failure: What if I fail? What if I don’t get selected in that job interview? What if I relapse after quitting alcohol? What if my new relationship fails like the previous one? We all are afraid of something, but letting fear take control and determine our actions is always destructive.
Low self-esteem: I am not good enough for that job. She is so out of my league. I won’t be able to pass that exam. I have always been a failure. These are some examples of low self-esteem.
When you make yourself feel that you are not worthy of something or someone you use the words “I can’t” to save yourself the pain of rejection.
Consequently, to avoid these situations, instead of facing our demons and destroying them once and for all, we say “I can’t.”
Imagine if we all could muster up the courage to face these demons. If we could say yes to life and to new experiences. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to remove these limitations and barricades and free ourselves from the barriers we’ve created for ourselves?
Shifting the attitude!
The good news is, yes! It is possible to remove limitations and free ourselves. But it requires practice. Practicing the following points will not only help you think more rationally but will also empower you to make better decisions and take control of your life. Changing your mindset may require some time but with patience and consistency, you’ll get there.
Recognize the reason: Ask yourself why you are trying to avoid a situation by saying I can’t? Is it fear? Is it laziness? Is it because you think you’re not good enough? Sometimes random thoughts leave a lasting impression on our mindset and these thoughts start playing a crucial role in our lives. So, it’s important to introspect and dig out the reasons that hold you back.
Face your demons: Most of the time we try our best to avoid doing things just because we are afraid of failure, embarrassment, shame, or guilt. It’s important to understand that just like other emotional states, fear is also temporary. So, your decisions and actions that can cause a positive and permanent change in your life should not depend on something temporary.
Give yourself clear goals: One of the best ways of giving yourself a direction is to give yourself clear goals. When you have a clear roadmap and you know where you are going, you ditch the excuses and you become action oriented.
Motivate yourself to explore: Keeping an open mind is another way that helps in changing the mindset. When you approach a situation with an open mind, you become willing to explore different aspects of it. Instead of becoming crippled by fear, you arm yourself with curiosity. Even if things don’t work out, you understand that it’s not the end of the world. There are still more options that you can explore and there are many opportunities to learn.
Focus on the bigger picture: What if you got that job? What if you got into that college? What if that girl said yes? There is always a possibility that things will work out in your favor. And unless you give it a shot, you’ll never know. So, focus on the bigger picture instead of seeing just a small part of it.
Another great way of shifting your attitude is to say, “I choose not to.” When you say I choose not to instead of I can’t, it empowers you. It implies that you have fully comprehended the situation—you know the pros and cons—and your decision is not based on low self-esteem or inadequacy. You simply don’t want to participate in something. You know what you want, and there is nothing wrong with that. In this case, you are not making an excuse; you are making a conscious choice.
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know struggled with “I can’t”. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the “Forums”
Our advice is for you to practice “Not saying or thinking I can’t” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.
What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT. WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS. “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!
Read the article? Time for introspection!
Please answer the following:
- Have you ever told yourself that “you can’t”? How has it affected your life?
- How many opportunities have you missed because you thought you “could not”? Do you still regret those?
- Do you doubt yourself when you face new situations?
- What steps do you take to conquer your fears and to transition from “I can’t” to “I can”?
- How has cultivating the habit of saying “I can” changed your life?
This module includes the following:
- Why Become a Life Coach
- Thinking the Worst
- Unconditional Thinker
- You Should
- I Can’t
- Grandiose Questions
- It’s Them
- Loaded Words
- Making Assumptions
- Have to Need to, Must
- Attitude Check & Confession
- I Feel Good, PST™
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.