Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
It always feels great when we get credit for accomplishing something. It’s always a wonderful feeling when someone appreciates our efforts and hard work. When we receive praise for accomplishing a task or achieving a goal we experience this huge wave of positive emotions that motivates us to do even more, and all of a sudden, the world becomes a better place for us.
But what happens when things go wrong? What happens when things don’t go as we want them to go? What happens when we are unsuccessful in accomplishing our goals?
While some people prefer to take responsibility and take action to rectify the situation, some people engage in pointing fingers. Some people prefer playing the blame game.
It’s always tempting to blame someone else for your actions. That’s why so many people do it. They do something wrong, and they immediately start looking for someone they can put the blame on. But as this behavior continues, it soon transforms into a habit. A habit that keeps you from learning and exploring the other aspects of the problematic situations; the aspects that involve solutions. Hence, after fully developing, this habit gradually starts backfiring.
Types of Blamers:
We all have been guilty of putting the blame on others. At some point in our lives we all have indulged in the blame game. But the problem arises when a person becomes a chronic blamer. When a person deliberately starts looking for someone he can conveniently place the blame on.
After placing the blame on someone else, a person might feel free from his responsibilities. Things might seem under control for a while. But with time, he realizes that he has blocked the path to learning and improving. As he becomes more used to tossing his responsibilities on others instead of becoming solution-oriented, he becomes problem-oriented.
Some people blame others while others blame themselves. I forgot to turn off the stove, how can I be so reckless? It’s my fault we didn’t get the contract, if only I had worked harder. How can I be such a bad parent? I am 20 minutes late for picking up my daughter. Don’t these statements sound draining? Imagine doing this to yourself over and over again every single day.
Why Do We Blame?
People who blame others have various reasons they play the blame game. Some people don’t want to admit that, just like others, they also make mistakes. For them, being right is more important. Some people blame others because they don’t want to take responsibility for their actions.
They don’t want to admit that they made a mistake because they don’t want to face the consequences. One of the driving emotions for these people is fear. It’s important to understand that it’s completely fine to be scared at times but tossing the blame on others is not.
Some people have other motives to play the blame game. Some people blame others to manipulate. Some people blame others repeatedly to control them. When they repeatedly accuse others of minor things, the people being blamed can lose power, they begin to give in and start believing the blamers.
Another reason avid blamers play the blame game is to show themselves in a good light. They put blame on others to degrade them so that they can get a chance to shine, to be appreciated.
While some blame others, some rely on self-blame. Self-blame is common among people with abusive pasts and people who suffer from depression and anxiety. They magnify everything they do and micromanage all of their actions. Self-blame not only clouds the vision but also drags a person into an endless spiral of blaming himself.
While acknowledging your mistakes to make improvements is a great way to take something positive from every situation, blaming yourself over and over again and shaming yourself for not being perfect is a form of self-abuse.
How to Overcome this Habit?
Can you play a game that keeps going on, one that never ends? A game in which no one ever wins. That’s what the blame game is. A never-ending game that is exhausting and draining. This destructive habit not only has the power to make you bitter but also has the power of ruining your relationships.
To overcome this habit, it’s important to understand that you’ll be in many situations where you’ll be tempted to blame others or yourself. There will be always an opportunity to excuse yourself or accuse yourself.
The following steps can be taken to overcome the habit of blaming others:
Acknowledge: It’s important to keep track of your behavior when something goes wrong or you make a mistake. Keeping a check on yourself can help you recognize what makes you put the blame on others. Is it fear? Do you have a motive? Is it the consequences that you are trying to avoid? A little introspection can take you a long way.
Practice empathy: When you put the blame on others, they face the consequences of your actions. They suffer on your behalf. Is that fair? How would you feel if someone puts the blame on you? How would you feel if you were forced to face the consequences of somebody else’s actions? If it wouldn’t be fair to you, how can it be fair to them?
Tell yourself that it’s OK: You don’t have to be right all the time. It’s OK to be wrong. You don’t have to be perfect all the time, it’s OK to make mistakes. Making mistakes doesn’t make you any smaller, it gives you an opportunity to learn and become better. It’s OK to make mistakes and it’s certainly OK if you are wrong sometimes.
Apologize: Sometimes, a sincere apology neutralizes the situation. When you apologize it tells people that you acknowledge your mistakes and now you are ready to make amendments. So next time you get into a messy situation, say you are sorry, and you are willing to make things right.
Take action: While blaming makes you problem-oriented, taking action makes you solution-oriented. So next time, instead of blaming, take action. Ask yourself what can be done to resolve the situation, then go ahead and do it.
For people who blame themselves, it’s important to practice self-compassion. It’s important for them to know that not everything is their fault and even if things are not going their way, it’s OK. You don’t have to blame yourself and certainly, you don’t have to shame yourself.
In cases of self-blame, talking back to the overly critical voice can make a difference. Tell the voice it was not your fault; defend yourself and take a stand for yourself. Do not give in and do not surrender to the voice that puts the blame on you. With time, as you start doing this, the voice will start getting weaker.
The essay
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you blamed others. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the “Forums”
Our advice is for you to practice “Not Blaming” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.
What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT. WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS. “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!
Read the article? Time for introspection!
Please answer the following:
- Do you also find yourself pointing fingers at people when things don’t work out for you? Why do you think you do that?
- How do you feel after placing the blame on someone else? Would you say you feel liberated from your responsibilities?
- Do you blame yourself repeatedly when things don’t go as planned? How does it make you feel?
- How do you break the vicious cycle of blaming yourself?
- What steps do you take to avoid blaming others? How do you take the responsibility for your own actions?
Sources
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/fulfillment-any-age/201509/5-reasons-we-play-the-blame-game
https://liberationist.org/how-to-stop-playing-the-blame-game/
This module includes the following:
- Introduction
- Why Become a Life Coach
- Thinking the Worst
- Unconditional Thinker
- Blaming
- You Should
- I Can’t
- Grandiose Questions
- It’s Them
- Loaded Words
- Making Assumptions
- Have to Need to, Must
- Attitude Check & Confession
- I Feel Good, PST™
- Why?
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
Respectfully yours,
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.