Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
Have you ever felt sadness because of someone else’s actions? Have you ever taken guilt trips because of harsh words spoken by others? Have you ever felt shackled down or restricted when it comes to your needs in a relationship? Do you find yourself pointing fingers at others because they make you feel a certain way? If yes, then you’ve given your personal power to someone else.
“All problems are interpersonal relationships.” This statement was made by Alfred Adler, the founder of Adlerian psychology. And if you’ll think about it, you’ll find it to be true. Most of our problems are based on our interpersonal relationships.
You don’t like going to work because your manager isn’t good to you, you dread spending time at home because your spouse is hurtful, your mind keeps racing because your relationship with your girlfriend/boyfriend is complicated and unpredictable, or you feel lonely because you don’t have the right people around you who understand and appreciate you for who you are.
Whenever you are stuck in such a situation, if you start connecting the dots, they’ll lead you to one of your interpersonal relationships.
Few can live all alone, after all, we humans are social beings, but sometimes our relationships come with a price. A price that we all pay from time to time. While having relationships makes our lives richer and happier, they sometimes also make our lives harder. Our relationships can sometimes give us pain, they can cause us stress and emotional trauma. It’s important to understand that all relationships from time to time do this and hence creating a balance becomes crucial.
But the problems arise when we lose control, when we give into relationships. When we give in to their demands, their preferences, we lose ourselves in the process of maintaining a relationship. Sometimes we give up on our preferences while dating, sometimes we try our best to please our parents, and sometimes we aren’t able to say no to our children—even when we want to.
We try to mold ourselves to fit the expectations of others. We force ourselves to change our ways, we ignore our own needs, we put up with unnecessary expectations and when this happens, we give others power over us.
But why do we do it?
When we give others power over us, it not only makes our lives harder but also takes a toll on our attitude towards life. There are many reasons why we sometimes consciously or unconsciously give our power to others. But whatever the reason is, the consequences can be brutal. The following are some of the reasons why we do it:
Lack of self-confidence: We often give away our power when we don’t feel confident, competent, or comfortable with a situation. Relying on others can seem like an easy solution but as this habit develops further, we start giving up our power often and start relying on others to make decisions for us.
Life situations: Everyone goes through tough times and there is nothing wrong with reaching out to people for help. But when these life situations become our identity or when they start defining us, we begin relying on others for the solution. Sometimes during difficult times, we accept whatever is thrown at us because we need help desperately. But is it worth it?
Lack of self-love: We often put up with mistreatment when we are not aware of how we deserve to be treated.
We want to be accepted: During the initial stages of a relationship, we often fear rejection. And in order to be accepted we avoid setting healthy boundaries.
We don’t want to take responsibility: Many people run away from making decisions. Taking control of their lives is not their cup of tea. Why? Because when others make decisions for them, it becomes easy to point fingers and play the blame game.
How giving others power impacts our lives:
When we give others power over us, it not only influences our actions, but it also affects us emotionally. We might complain about how others make us feel sad or angry, we often judge ourselves by the labels others put on us and end up blaming others for our emotional traumas and behavior. When we give our power away, we allow others to decide our self-worth and make decisions for us. As time passes by and the person fails to set healthy boundaries, the person loses confidence, starts lacking self-esteem and becomes overly dependent on the opinion of others. The actions of others start paving the route of the person’s life.
Taking back the power:
Imagine being free from all the labels, imagine being independent of the opinion of others, imagine being able to make firm decisions, breaking away, and redefining your standards. Imagine taking back control and deciding a new path for yourself. Wouldn’t it be great?
The good news is that you can stop giving power over you to others with some simple steps. Implementing these steps will take some work and will require some courage, but in the end, you’ll find yourself with healthier relationships that empower you.
Identify bitter people in your life: We all have met people who yell and scream at others on the top of their lungs. They inflict the pain on others without being aware of the consequences. The good news is, it’s not always about you. Identifying bitter people and maintaining a healthy distance can actually help you gain some fresh perspective about yourself.
Set healthy boundaries: When you create healthy boundaries your relationships become blessings instead of burdens. Boundaries help you decide what’s OK with you and what’s not. When you are firm with your boundaries, people not only respect them but also your needs in a relationship are met.
Make your own decisions: Taking advice is one thing, relying on others to make decisions for you is quite another. It’s important to understand that at the end of the day, what you comply with will shape your life, so taking back control and making your own decisions can bring significant positive changes to your life.
Introspect: Introspection plays a crucial role when it comes to making positive changes in your life. Introspecting helps you know yourself better. Knowing what presses your buttons, what pushes you, what makes you feel guilty or angry, and knowing how the behavior of others influences you can help you get better control over your emotions.
Refrain from playing the blame game: Blaming others might feel good for a little while but in the long run, it takes a toll on you personally, professionally, and emotionally. When you play the blame game, it not only makes you a victim, but it also snatches away your power to bring positive changes in your life. On the other hand, when you take the responsibility, it helps you learn. Hence, instead of seeking people to pass the blame onto, making efforts to take responsibility for your actions will help you grow.
So how has giving others power left an impact on your life? And how has taking it back have brought positive changes?
The essay
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you blamed them, he, she, it! Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the “Forums”
Our advice is for you to practice “Not Blaming Them Syndrome” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.
What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT. WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS. “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!
Read the article? Time for introspection!
Please answer the following:
- Do you compromise on your needs to fulfill other people’s expectations?
- Would you say you treat yourself well? Do you feel your needs are being fulfilled?
- Do you hesitate while setting boundaries? Why? What holds you back?
- Do others decide your worth? Why do you think you’ve given that power to them?
- Would you like to be liberated from the labels others put on you? What steps are you planning to take to make amendments in your life?
Sources
https://inlpcenter.org/everyone-tries-to-control-me/
This module includes the following:
- Introduction
- Why Become a Life Coach
- Thinking the Worst
- Unconditional Thinker
- Blaming
- You Should
- I Can’t
- Grandiose Questions
- It’s Them
- Loaded Words
- Making Assumptions
- Have to Need to, Must
- Attitude Check & Confession
- I Feel Good, PST™
- Why?
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
Respectfully yours,
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.