Module 2: Grandiose Questions

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

Every conversation that we have on day-to-day basis can be split into many parts. Proposing, influencing, persuading, informing, and exchanging ideas are some of the aspects of every conversation that we engage in. But there is one more aspect that plays a crucial role. An aspect of any conversation that helps us dig deeper and gain valuable insights.

The aspect of asking questions:

Many philosophers and scientists spend their whole lives asking questions and seeking answers. Many great discoveries and inventions were a result of asking a simple question. Asking questions not only helps us move forward and figure things out but also opens our eyes to new ideas and possibilities. Asking questions helps you solve problems, helps you acquire knowledge, and helps you lead a fulfilling and happier life. 

But what happens when the questions are used for wicked purposes? What happens when instead of enlightening ourselves and others we use questions to put others down?

We all have heard and used grandiose questions from time to time. Sometimes unintentionally and sometimes intentionally. We use grandiose questions to persuade, influence, and sometimes just to create an effect. But while using grandiose questions, do we seek answers from the listener? No, we don’t.

When a teacher asks, “How many times do I need to show you how to solve this simple equation?” she is not seeking the answer from her student, instead, she is emphasizing that she is tired of teaching the same equation to the student again and again. We use these grandiose questions all the time. Sometimes in the workplace during a meeting, sometimes in school, sometimes during a presentation, and sometimes during a discussion to prove a point or win an argument.

We forget how aggressive these questions can be. They are not only capable of putting others down but also hurting them badly. We often end up ignoring their impact on others as well as on our relationships when we casually slip these questions into our day-to-day conversations.

The purpose of grandiose questions is not to seek a response or solve a problem but to mask. We usually use grandiose questions to disguise insults or make aggressive statements. Grandiose questions are often used to put others down or to justify your views.

But if grandiose questions cause so much damage to people, why do we use them in the first place? Why do we feel the need to use them in our day-to-day life?

Why do we use grandiose questions?

In modern times, thanks to social media and online platforms, almost everyone has an opportunity to express themselves. While these platforms can be used for promoting great ideas, they can also be used to promote verbal violence. Some people are using the power of social media, making sarcastic comments and insults to acquire some spotlight for themselves.

While adopting sarcasm and insults in the form of grandiose questions might sound tempting to the some, the question arises, is this the kind of society we want to have where people take shots at each other and mask them in the most convenient way possible? Where people are inconsiderate of each other’s emotions and feelings, where proving a point is more important than everything else? 

Impact of grandiose questions:

When grandiose questions are used to mask put-downs and insults, they take a toll on your relationships. Some people use grandiose questions so often they don’t even realize that they’re being hurtful and aggressive.

Some of the impacts of grandiose questions are as follows:

Ruins relationships: Would you like to hang out with someone who always picks on you? Would you like to spend your precious time with people who are always putting you down? No, I don’t think you would. Grandiose questions that mask put-downs and insults can be overlooked a occasionally, but when the person on the receiving end faces the same set of questions again and again, it becomes natural for them to start distancing themselves from you.

Makes you inconsiderate: Masking grandiose questions might make you sound clever or witty for a while, but in the long run, it promotes unhealthy behavior. When people incorporate this unhealthy habit, they start to become insensitive to the emotions and feelings of other people. 

Promotes aggressive behavior: People who use grandiose questions might come across as funny and might enjoy the spotlight from time to time. But as using grandiose questions becomes a habit, people often start making hurtful statements. As the person starts indulging in the destructive habit of using grandiose questions often, over time, it promotes aggressive behavior.

If a simple set of questions can inflict pain on others and can damage relationships, wouldn’t it be better to ditch this unhealthy habit?

How to stop using grandiose questions:

Even though you’ll find grandiose questions in many conversations, it doesn’t mean you have to even out the score. We are often tempted to use sarcasm and put-downs and mask them with grandiose questions. The key is to control the urge and to be mindful of your dialogue with others. The following steps can help you in ditching the habit of using grandiose questions.

Be cautious: Instead of speaking your mind, repeat whatever you are planning to say out loud in your head. Not only will this habit help you analyze your dialogue but will also help you to be mindful of what you are going to say.

Maintain a journal: Journals can be a great way of keeping track of your thoughts. Count the number of times you feel tempted to use a grandiose question that can be hurtful to others or to yourself.

Practice empathy: How would you feel if someone was constantly taunting you for petty stuff? Would you be able to put up with the disrespect? If not, then how can others? Practice walking in the shoes of others, try to understand what they go through when they receive your grandiose questions.

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know displayed a grandiose attitude. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Not Being Grandiose” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

Read the article? Time for introspection!

Please answer the following:

1. Do you also make use of grandiose questions to put others down? Why do you think you do that?
2. How do you feel when someone uses grandiose questions to express aggression?
3. What negative impacts do you think grandiose questions have?
4. Would you encourage the use of grandiose questions in workplace or home? Why? Why not?
5. What steps would you take to overcome using grandiose questions?
6.  

Sources

https://www.thoughtco.com/grandiose-question-grammar-1692060

https://belmontwellness.com/wp-content/uploads/Grandiose-Questions-Put-downs-in-disguise-.pdf

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• Thinking the Worst
• Unconditional Thinker
• Blaming
• You Should
• I Can’t
• Grandiose Questions
• It’s Them
• Loaded Words
• Making Assumptions
• Have to Need to, Must
• Attitude Check & Confession
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD