Module 2: You Should!

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

There are words that have permanently acquired a place in our vocabulary. Consciously, and sometimes unconsciously, we use these words without giving much thought about their impact in our daily lives.

One of the words is “should.”  We use the word “should” multiple times in a day. “I should be studying for the big test,” “I should be more socially active,”, “I should lose some weight”, are examples how we use the word “should” to sometimes motivate ourselves and keep ourselves focused to accomplish something. But does it work? Often it doesn’t; frequently it backfires.

Not only do we use this word with ourselves, but with others, too. “You should complete this project by the evening,” “You should be home by 11 p.m.,” “You should exercise more.” Do you see a pattern here? 

So, what’s exactly wrong with using the word “should”? Why do we recommend you avoid using the word “should”?

Reasons to avoid using the word “should”:

When we use the word “should,” it automatically implies that we do not accept things the way they are. There is something missing or there is something that we are not OK with. When you say that “I should lose weight,” it implies that you do not accept or admire yourself the way you are.

This doesn’t stay confined to only you. When you tell people that they “should” be doing something, it again automatically implies that whatever they’ve done so far is not good enough.

Following are a few reasons to ditch the word “should”:

“Should” implies you aren’t good enough: When we say, “I should do something,” it by default implies that whatever your current situation is, it’s not good enough. “I should apply for that jo,” implies that your current job is not good enough for you, “I should move to another house,” implies that the house you are living in is not good enough. When you are unconsciously repeating to yourself that your current state is not good enough, won’t it make your life harder if you have to be in that state for a specific time?

“Should” brings bitterness in relationships: Every relationship comes with their own set of expectations. And it’s OK to expect that to some extent. But when you use the word “should” in your relationships, you start dictating others how you would like things to be. Something not good for your relationships. 

“Should” promotes criticism: When you use “should,” either with yourself or with someone else, it shifts focus from improvement and promotes criticism. You might think that when you say “I should lose more weight,” it implies that you are trying to improve your current state but it often implies that you’re not happy with yourself and you’ll become happy only if you lose some weight.   

“Should” devalues efforts: Imagine telling your wife, “You should cook more often,” or telling your husband “You should get a better job.” You see how both sentences undermine the efforts of both people? Your heart might be in the right place, maybe you are trying to tell your wife that her cooking is fabulous and that’s why you want her to cook more often, or maybe you want to inform your husband about this amazing job opportunity. But by using the word “should,” the conversation gets sidetracked and the person is left with a feeling that his or her efforts are not enough. When we dictate to others what they should be doing, we are in a way disrespecting their efforts, their decisions, and their methods.

“Should” detaches you from reality: “I should have completed this work earlier,” or “I should complete this work.” Neither of these sentences talk about the actions you must take in the present. The first sentence takes you to the past — and you can’t go back. In the present, it makes you powerless. The second sentence talks about something that you expect to do, but again there is a chance you might not do it.

“Should” blocks self-compassion and acceptance: When you focus on “should,” it implies that you’ll be much happier with a version of yourself that lies somewhere in the future. You refuse to accept your reality because you yourself do not meet your own expectations. As a result, people beat themselves up, judge themselves, devalue themselves, and force themselves to do things they don’t want to do, which blocks self-compassion and acceptance. 

“Should” induce stress and anxiety: When you use the word “should,” it binds you to do something. It binds you to take action. And when you are unable to take certain actions, it induces stress and anxiety because now you know what you expect from yourself and if you are not able to meet the expectations, you’re unable to accept yourself.

Overcoming the habit of using “should”.

We bet it you’ve been surprised to learn the many drawbacks of using “should.” Had you ever imagined that a single word, one that we use so frequently can unconsciously cause so much damage?

The good thing is, it’s not difficult to replace the word “should.” The following steps will not only help you ditch this word but will also help you speak more positively.

Thinking before speaking: Many times, words just come out of our mouths, and we don’t analyze what we’re saying. Taking a pause and thinking about what we are going to say makes a huge difference in our daily dialogues.

Replace “should”: Whenever you feel like using the word “should,” try to think of an alternative. “Should” can be replaced with more constructive words like, “I want to,” “I could,” or “It would be great.”

Become goal-oriented: Instead of trapping yourself by using “should,” focus on the goals. Why do you want to do something? Focus on that. “I want to get that job because I want to enhance my income,” “I want to lose weight because I want to feel great and be more active,” “I want to become more social because meeting new people will help me grow.”

So how has replacing “should” changed your life? How has ditching this one word improved your current state?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know had when you used the word should. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the time, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the “Forums”

Our advice is for you to practice “Not Using the Word Should” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any event in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the “Forum” and do a “CONFESSION”.

What is a “CONFESSION”? A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. VISIT THE “FORUM” AND TELL US ABOUT IT.  WE WILL GIVE YOU FEEDBACK! MAKE SURE TO WATCH THE VIDEO ABOUT “CONFESSION” FOR MORE DETAILS! FURTHERMORE, BECOME A MEMBER OF THE FORUM AND GIVE FEEDBACK TO OTHERS.  “That’s how you gain practice in becoming a CERTIFIED LIFE COACH!

Read the article? Time for introspection!

Please answer the following:

1. How often do you use the word “should” on a daily basis?
2. How do you feel when you use the word “should”? How positive do you feel about it?
3. How do you feel when someone tells you that you “should” do something? Do you feel pressured?
4. After reading the article, would you say that you would like to eliminate using “should”?
5. What steps are you planning to take to minimize the use of “should”?

Sources

https://www.positivelypresent.com/2015/10/should.html#:~:text=Because%20%22should%22%20takes%20your%20focus,you%20to%20accept%20what%20is.

https://tinybuddha.com/blog/why-the-word-should-can-be-harmful-3-empowering-alternatives/

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• Thinking the Worst
• Unconditional Thinker
• Blaming
• You Should
• I Can’t
• Grandiose Questions
• It’s Them
• Loaded Words
• Making Assumptions
• Have to Need to, Must
• Attitude Check & Confession
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD