by: George Tannous, PhD
Become a Certified Life Coach
Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
Sam goes on a first date with Emma who loves adventure. When he asks her where she wants to go, she suggests a theme park. Even though Sam is reluctant because he is terrified of rides and roller coasters, he nods his head with a fake smile on his face to fulfill her wish. In the theme park, she suggests going on a roller coaster ride, and even though he is afraid, he again moves his head up and down in agreement.
While boarding the ride, his heart starts pounding, his palms become sweaty and as the ride starts, he starts screaming at the top of his lungs. He throws up and passes out and at the end of the ride, he makes up his mind to never see the beautiful lady ever again because of this embarrassing experience.
The story might sound funny to some, and it’s safe to say that at times we all have nodded our heads in agreement even when we were not comfortable with a particular situation. Sometimes, we bury our opinions and voices because of our fears. Fear of coming across as someone who is boring, dull, and even too opinionated. While we all go through this phase at some point, for some people, this is an everyday scenario.
If you are someone who is used to burying your opinion or you are afraid of expressing yourself in a healthy manner, you may be a passive communicator.
What is passive communication?
It can happen that even when we are not cozy with a situation, we tell people that we are OK with things. While some people engage in this behavior to protect their privacy and to avoid over-sharing information, others put up a happy face and go with the flow because they believe their opinions don’t matter.
They believe that if they speak their minds, it will lead to disagreements and conflicts, and hence, they often keep their opinions to themselves. They hold themselves back from expressing their emotions, feelings, and refuse to take a stand for themselves.
Silence is considered golden; peace is something we all seek and desire. But is all the pain of keeping things inside worth it? Is locking away one’s preferences and opinions rewarding?
The Impact of passive communication:
Passive communication takes a toll on an individual’s life whether it is personal or professional. A passive communicator finds it difficult to express his needs and take a stand for his rights. As a passive communicator repeatedly fails to assert his opinions and views, he often finds himself being treated like a doormat.
People often ignore their happiness and their preferences, and this calm attitude is mistaken for acceptance.
When people fail to take a stand for themselves, fight for their rights, and assert their views and opinions, people stop taking them seriously. Passive communicators are usually pushed around, mistreated, cornered, and labeled as weak.
So, what happens when the line gets crossed? What happens when passive communicators get fed up with the unacceptable behavior?
Passive communicators often experience sudden and explosive emotional outbursts. After all, everyone has limits. But these emotional outbursts not only take a toll on their relationships but also on themselves. Not only does the person on the receiving end face the outburst but the passive communicator, also experiences an amount of guilt, frustration, and shame.
A passive communicator might be surrounded by several people, but often feel alone and misunderstood. Since fear is often the driving force behind their behavior, a passive communicator always remains isolated. They feel reluctant when it comes to talking about their needs and take the path of selflessness and focus on fulfilling the needs of others. Due to unmet desires, an abundance of regrets, constant hesitation, and an unsatisfactory quality of life, a passive communicator often experiences anxiety, stress, and depression.
So, is there a solution to passive behavior? Can a passive communicator do something that can help him voice his opinions effectively? Yes, there is.
Breaking the barriers:
For passive communicators, the first step toward self-improvement is realization. Your needs are important too. Passive communicators need to realize and accept the fact that by putting everyone else first, by agreeing to other people’s terms and conditions, and by suppressing their feelings and needs, they are making their own lives miserable. Taking care of other people’s needs is great, but at the cost of your own, is not.
When your needs are met and your desires are fulfilled, you lead a happier and more satisfying life. And when you take care of yourself, when you give importance to your feelings, and when you create healthy boundaries, it makes your life easier and boosts your self-esteem.
Here are some steps passive communicators can take to improve their situation:
Feel your emotions: Being honest with yourself serves as a cornerstone for a happy and healthy life. Allow yourself to feel anger, envy, fear, etc. These emotions are there for a reason and there is no need for you to suppress them. Ask yourself why you feel angry? Why are you afraid? Dig deep. Asking these questions will help you uncover what actually bugs you and will help you know yourself better. If you don’t know what your preferences and boundaries are, how can you protect yourself when someone crosses the line or imposes their will on you?
Put yourself on top of the list: Your needs are as important as the needs of other people. Stop looking for ways to put yourself second. If you feel that the needs of others must be met, no matter what, find a middle ground where everyone is satisfied with the outcome.
Voice your opinions: When you voice your opinions, it shows that you have preferences. People start taking you seriously when you become vocal about your boundaries and needs. You can practice voicing your opinions in front of your friends, your family, or even in front of the mirror. Start small. It might be difficult at first, but it will get easier with time.
Practice assertive communication: Assertive communication enables a person to express himself diplomatically and politely. If you are not fine with something, you can always make use of diplomacy to politely say no, and there is nothing wrong with that. Practice saying no in a diplomatic tone. Not only will it help you protect your rights, but it will also help you set healthy boundaries.
Do your homework: There will be times when people get upset with you. There will be times when people get offended. So, it’s important to do your homework. If you are planning to confront someone or deal with a situation, make a list of positive expected outcomes, and make a plan that will help you achieve your goals.
Do you also indulge in passive communication? What measures did you take to become more assertive?
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know were passive in communicating with others. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the Forums.
Our advice is for you to practice “Not being passive but assertive communicator” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any time in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the Forum and do a “CONFESSION.”
What is a Confession? A Confession is when you’ve displayed a wrong behavior and were held accountable by one of your family members, peers, or even yourself. Visit the Forum and tell us about it. We will give you feedback! Make sure to watch the video about Confession for more details! Furthermore, become a member of the Forum and give feedback to others!
Read the article? Time to introspect!
- Do you also find yourself saying yes to things you are uncomfortable with? Why do you think you do that?
- On the scale of one to ten, how uncomfortable do you feel when it comes to expressing your opinions?
- Do you feel that your needs often get ignored in a relationship?
- Do you put everyone else first? Why do you think your preferences often occupy the last seat?
- What steps are you planning to overcome passive communication?
This module includes the following:
- Why Become a Life Coach
- Passive Communicator
- Passive Aggressive
- Good Listener
- Attitude Check & Confession
- Confront and Level
- I Feel Good, PST™
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.