by: George Tannous, PhD
Become a Certified Life Coach
Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
We all have witnessed aggressive communicators. Sometimes, it can be seen among couples, directed from a parent toward a child, and sometimes, we witness aggressive communication in the workplace. We see people yelling at each other, dominating each other and sometimes, we witness physical violence.
But is aggressive communication healthy? Does communicating aggressively helps a person in any way?
Aggressive communication might help someone acquire the upper hand in a conversation, but in the long run, it causes serious, sometimes irreversible damages. There are many ways in which aggressive communication backfires. But before we jump into the consequences, let’s first understand what aggressive communication is.
What is aggressive communication?
Aggressive communication supports self-centered behavior. It enables a person to express his needs, desires, and emotions without having any regard to the needs of others. It enables a person to impose unrealistic demands on others through anger, authority, and superiority. Those people are often grandiose or narcissistic.
Aggressive communicators are not the ideal listeners, and in many cases, the conversation remains one-sided. The person indulging in aggressive communication often restricts others from speaking up, expressing their feelings, and stating their needs.
Aggressive communication also facilitates the use of verbal violence, threats and in some cases, physical violence. In order to make a point and impose demands on others, an aggressive communicator also engages in using inappropriate language, foul words, and a loud voice. Consent of others doesn’t hold much weight and sometimes when things get out of hand, an aggressive communicator engages in physical violence just to force his opinions and demands on others.
There can be several reasons for conducting aggressive communication. Some aggressive communicators engage in aggressive communication to attack others, some do it to play the blame game, some do it to humiliate others, and some to establish dominance. Overbearing voices and threats are often used to create stress and fear in a situation to make a person submit.
An aggressive communicator is usually dismissive of other people’s ideas and thoughts, uses insults as a weapon, and lacks empathy. He becomes blinded by his personal goals that the only thing that matters in the conversation is to win.
Aggressive communication backfires in several ways and the impact is often severe.
Impact of aggressive communication:
Would you want to engage in a conversation with someone who screams at the top of his lungs just to make a point? A person who attacks you personally for personal gains and who dismisses your every proposition just to feel superior? We bet not.
Yet that’s what happens with aggressive communicators. An aggressive communicator doesn’t realize that when he disrespects others, he simply hands out the opportunity to other people to disrespect him back. Many times, an aggressive communicator gets a taste of his own medicine. Not only does he get worked up on petty issues quickly, but he triggers others to be aggressive. Petty issues often become big challenges and an aggressive communicator uses anger as a tool just to prove his point. As a result, aggressive communicators often experience insults and become isolated.
Avoiding aggressive communication:
An aggressive communicator might see perks and feel one step closer towards his goals while engaging in aggressive communication, but aggressive communication does take a toll on relationships. Hence, it’s important to recognize the mode of communication a person engages in and if it’s aggressive communication, it’s crucial to make amendments.
If you are someone who engages in aggressive communication, you can take the following steps to make improvements in the way you conduct your conversations.
Be assertive instead of aggressive: Practicing assertive communication instead of engaging in aggressive communication can be very helpful. Assertive communication not only helps you create healthy boundaries but also helps you make your point while engaging in positive and constructive communication.
Stop the blame game: Nobody benefits from pointing fingers at others and the blame game only makes the situation worse. Instead of using someone’s mistake to attack them, practice conducting healthy discussions to rectify the problems.
Learn to be calm: When you lose your temper you lose sight of what’s important, such as what needs to be communicated and what needs to be achieved. As the person becomes obsessed with one aspect of the conversation, the rest of the conversation gets disrupted, and nothing gets accomplished. Keeping calm during a conversation enables you to facilitate a constructive conversation and reach solutions quickly. It helps you focus on your goals and enables you to make better decisions.
Practice empathy: Practicing empathy can help an aggressive communicator greatly. Try placing yourself in someone else’s shoes. How would you feel if you were that person and your boss was yelling at you in front of your peers for some petty issue? How would you feel if you were forced to do something you didn’t want to? You’d feel disrespected, humiliated, and uncomfortable, right?
That’s what others feel when you engage in aggressive communication. Make a conscious effort to understand what others go through. This will not only help you reflect better on your chosen mode of communication but will also help you improve your interpersonal relationships.
Invite fresh ideas: When you keep an open mind and invite fresh ideas you open doors to new possibilities. Create an environment where people feel comfortable with sharing their ideas. This will not only help you explore and adopt diverse perspectives but will also help you adjust and become more comfortable with different people and their distinct ways.
Practice diplomacy: Diplomacy is the art and science of maintaining peaceful relationships between nations, groups, or individuals. Diplomacy enables you to show negative emotions in a positive manner. It helps you to be polite and put your ideas forward without disrespecting others. For aggressive communicators who engage in verbal violence, diplomacy can be a complete game-changer.
Show respect: Respect is the building block of every relationship. A relationship without mutual respect doesn’t make much sense. Respect people and their opinions. If you are not fine with some of the ideas, you can show disagreement in a diplomatic manner and propose your own ideas in a way that doesn’t hurt the self-esteem of others.
So how has quitting aggressive behavior helped you? Do you see any improvement in your interpersonal relationships?
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know used aggressive communication. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the Forums.
Our advice is for you to practice “Assertive Communication” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any time in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the Forum and do a “CONFESSION.”
What is a Confession? A Confession is when you’ve displayed a wrong behavior and were held accountable by one of your family members, peers, or even yourself. Visit the Forum and tell us about it. We will give you feedback! Make sure to watch the video about Confession for more details! Furthermore, become a member of the Forum and give feedback to others!
Read the article? Time to introspect!
- How often do you find yourself communicating aggressively?
- On the scale of 1 to 10, how would you rate your listening skills?
- How do you feel when people communicate aggressively with you?
- How has aggressive communication impacted your life and your relationships?
- What steps are you planning to take to overcome aggressive communication?
This module includes the following:
- Why Become a Life Coach
- Passive Communicator
- Passive Aggressive
- Good Listener
- Attitude Check & Confession
- Confront and Level
- I Feel Good, PST™
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.