Module 4: Good Listening Habits

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

Sometimes when speaking with a stranger, we feel an instant connection. We get a certain sense of familiarity, a sense of belonging, and we look forward to seeing this person again. The conversation flows so effortlessly that we lose track of time, and we feel comfortable with opening up to this person. Whereas in some cases, while having a conversation with someone, even a close friend, we keep looking at our watch, we become distracted and sometimes, we make a lame excuse to leave.

So, what’s the difference between these scenarios? Why was one conversation enjoyable while the other was exhausting?

The difference is our listening skills.

Would you like to engage in a conversation with a person who only talks about himself? Would you like to have a conversation with a person who is always distracted by his phone? Would you like to have a conversation with a person who is a know-it-all?

A positive and constructive conversation requires the proper exchange of dialogue but listening also plays a crucial role. People who develop listening skills spend 45% of the time listening to the other person while having a conversation.  

We all have heard that we should develop good listening skills. But what does it mean to be a good listener? And how can someone listen poorly? Let’s find out.

Traits of a poor listener and a good listener:

A poor listener is often self-absorbed. He gets easily carried away by his abundance of thoughts, opinions, and ideas and keeps on talking and talking about himself. He becomes so keen to share that he completely ignores what the other person has to say. In addition to this, a poor listener is usually distracted. It could be by his phone or his surroundings. He sees something and he immediately clings to it. He easily sidetracks the conversation by bringing up something completely new or kills the interest of the speaker by not paying attention. Another trait of a poor listener is that he keeps rambling about himself and dismisses the opinions of others. He acts as if he has everything figured out and doesn’t need to listen or pay attention to others.

Apart from all this, a poor listener interrupts the speaker repeatedly. He cuts the speaker off in the middle to interact with other people or makes poor eye contact. In addition to this, a poor listener corrects the speaker in front of everyone in a degrading manner to prove his points. And last but not least, a poor listener has very dull body language.

But in the case of good listeners, everything is exactly the opposite. A good listener not only listens to the words of the speaker but also pays attention to their body language, gestures, signals, etc. A good listener maintains the right amount of eye contact with the speaker and demonstrates that he is grasping everything the speaker is saying using non-verbal signals like smiling or nodding. A good listener also encourages the speaker by completing his sentences and asking questions at appropriate times. A good listener supports the speaker and creates a healthy environment where the speaker feels comfortable.

But why should we aim to be good listeners? What’s in it for us? Why should we focus on listening to others when we can talk our hearts out?

Benefits of being a good listener:

There are several upsides of being a good listener. When you practice good listening skills, it opens your mind to new ideas, fresh perspectives, and new ways. Good listening not only helps you gain access to new insights but also allows you to form lasting bonds with people around you and strengthen your interpersonal relationships.

In addition to this, developing good listening skills helps you grow personally as well as professionally. 

When you practice listening skills, they help you cultivate patience and also promote curiosity. You ask the right questions because you’re paying attention to the conversation, which enables you to unlock valuable information and pieces of advice. Being a good listener also helps you become more empathetic; it enables you to walk in other people’s shoes which in turn helps you become more mindful of their preferences and needs. Since listening helps a person gather so much valuable information, good listeners often find it easier to make complex decisions.

So, if there are so many upsides to being a good listener, wouldn’t it be great to cultivate this healthy habit?

How to become a good listener?

Becoming a good listener might sound easy to many but it’s not. Becoming a good listener involves a lot of patience and curiosity, but with practice, you’ll get there. The following steps can be taken to cultivate the healthy habit of listening.

Eye contact: Would you feel comfortable having a conversation with someone who just won’t look at you? Or would you feel comfortable having a conversation with a someone who keeps staring at you in a creepy way? While having a conversation, it’s important to maintain an appropriate and healthy amount of eye contact with the speaker just to let him know that you are listening.

Ask questions: Being a good listener doesn’t mean keeping quiet. It means participating and encouraging the speaker to share more. When you ask questions, it reassures the speaker that you are paying attention to him, and you have understood what he said.

Keep the phone aside: Smartphones not only kill the conversation but also insult the speaker. When you pull out your phone, it implies that you have something more important going on. Hence while having a conversation, it’s important to keep the phone on silent mode.  

Be non-judgmental: It takes courage to open up to someone; it’s not a simple or routine task for everyone. When someone is opening up to you, as a listener, ensure that you create a safe environment where the person doesn’t feel judged. Create an environment where he feels comfortable and make sure that you pay attention to everything he has to say. Comforting the person when required, walking in his shoes, and allowing yourself to understand his situation can help you form a strong bond and lasting relationship with that person. 

So how have listening skills helped you in your personal and professional life? What changes do you observe in your conversations?

The essay

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know were not a good listener. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed your behavior from what you learned today so the outcome would have been better. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Share your story in the Forums.

Our advice is for you to practice “Being a good listener” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any time in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the Forum and do a “CONFESSION.”

What is a Confession? A Confession is when you’ve displayed a wrong behavior and were held accountable by one of your family members, peers, or even yourself.  Visit the Forum and tell us about it. We will give you feedback! Make sure to watch the video about Confession for more details! Furthermore, become a member of the Forum and give feedback to others!

Furthermore, become a member of the Forum and give feedback to others. That’s how you gain practice in becoming a Certified Life Coach!

Read the article? Time to introspect!

1. Do you get distracted by your phone while communicating? How do you think it affects the quality of conversation?
2. Do you also find yourself making corrections while another person is talking? Do you think it interrupts the dialogue?
3. What steps do you take to ensure a healthy exchange of dialogue?
4. Have you noticed any benefits of being a good listener?
5. What additional steps are you planning to take to become a better listener?

Sources:

https://www.positivityblog.com/better-listener/

https://www.successconsciousness.com/blog/personal-development/the-benefits-of-being-a-good-listener/

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• Passive Communicator
• Passive Aggressive
• Aggressive
• Assertive
• Good Listener
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD