Module #4 - Communications - Confront & Level
Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
If there is one word that makes most of us uncomfortable is the word confrontation. Several people fear this word, for some, it’s a source of anxiety and stress. And for many, the word confrontation is a synonym to a nightmare. Hence, several people try their best to stay away from confrontations.
When people successfully manage to dodge the confrontation bullet, they experience a huge wave of relief. There is no doubt there. But in the long run, avoiding confrontations brings them pain and misery.
As people escape the situations that involve confrontations, they deprive themselves of several opportunities. Opportunities that can bring positive changes in their lives. In several instances, people often choose silence over confrontations when they receive disrespect, injustice, mistreatment, bullying, abuse, etc. and as a result, they find themselves leading unhappy lives. They are often seen struggling with as well as putting up with toxic relationships, workplace troubles, family issues, etc, and most of the time they remain angry, engage in criticizing others, and can be seen pointing fingers for their own sorrows.
Confrontation is just one part of the whole scenario. Another part most people forget about is leveling. Several times, people on the receiving end of the confrontations get angry or worked up. They completely deny what others convey to them, get frustrated and turn confrontation into a heated argument, which most people fear.
But is escaping confrontations worth it? Absolutely not!
There is no denying that confrontations are hard. Why? Because confrontations have always been presented in a negative light. When most people think about confrontations, they start weaving thoughts about how confronting someone will distort their relationships. But the truth can be entirely different.
The deeper the relationships, the more meaning confrontations hold. Relationships thrive when they are built on honesty, openness, effective communication, and mutual respect. And confrontations promote these values. Hence for healthy relationships, confrontations and leveling become the key. And in this article, we are going to explore both on a deeper level.
But before we jump right into each of these, let’s understand what this mean.
Understanding Confrontation and Leveling
To confront means to let someone know how you feel about them, their actions, their ideas, etc in a respectful manner. Confrontations are not criticisms and certainly not intended to initiate conflict. It’s just an act of presenting facts in a manner that enables you to express yourself effectively.
But. it takes two to tango. To have a successful confrontation, the person on the receiving end needs to keep an open mind. It’s also important for him to be a good listener and to practice leveling. Leveling involves a person to be honest about his feelings and be open. It involves expressing emotions which enables him to make the situation mild and unchallenging.
For example, when Dave’s boss questions him why he is not able to meet the deadlines, instead of becoming defensive about his work, Dave tells him calmly that he is having a hard time understanding the client’s expectations.
Let’s take another example. When Rita confronts her husband Justin about his increasing drinking, Justin calmly tells her about increasing workload at the office and also lets her know that he is not able to handle the stress of juggling work and family together.
When people practice confrontations and leveling, instead of defending themselves and engaging in conflicts, they work together to find solutions to their problems.
Benefits of practicing confrontations and leveling
There are several perks of practicing confrontations and leveling. When done right, these pave the way for free-flowing conversations. Below are some more upsides of the same:
Better relationships: Confrontations and leveling promote honesty, openness, and enable people to find solutions to complex situations while being respectful towards each other. This enables them to improve their relationships effectively.
Be more vocal about needs: When people in a relationship suppress their needs, a relationship starts to feel like a trap. But when they are vocal about what they want, they live better and more satisfying lives. Confrontations and leveling encourage people to talk about their needs.
Promote open-mindedness: People on the receiving end of the confrontation get the opportunity to access new ideas as well as perspectives. When people practice leveling, they get the opportunity to express themselves positively while keeping an open mind.
Make you solution-oriented: Confrontation and leveling when done right enable you to recognize the challenges and find solutions. Instead of promoting resentment or anger, confrontation and leveling promote problem-solving.
So, if there are several merits of practicing confrontation and leveling, wouldn’t it be great to adopt these healthy practices?
How to confront and level
Whether you are the one trying to confront someone, or you are on the receiving end, the below points will help you have better communications and build better relationships.
Maintain a journal: If you are afraid of confrontations, the first step would be to be honest with yourself. Why are you feeling afraid? Is it the fear of deforming a relationship? Is it that you don’t want to hurt someone? Or are you just trying to please someone? If you want to become a better leveler, list out all the things that went wrong in your past confrontations. What made you angry? Did you respond in a positive tone? Make notes in your journal.
Address your assumptions: Are you assuming confronting your boss will get you fired? Are you under the impression that addressing your wife’s overspending will lead to conflict? Are you under the impression that when someone points out mistakes in your work reports; they are trying to undermine you? Eliminating assumptions enables you to keep an open mind and helps you conduct better discussions.
Ditch the fear: Most people refrain from speaking up because they are too afraid. They are afraid of rejection, judgments, being offensive, hurting someone, etc. Hence, they choose silence. Most end up pleasing people or being a pushover due to fear. But confrontation gives you power. The power of being vocal about your needs and setting things right where both people can be happy.
Practice staying calm: Most people try their best to keep their cool but end up getting angry. Why? Because they get side-tracked by emotions. When people isolate themselves from their emotions and stay calm, they find solutions.
Do you also feel the crippling fear when you think about confronting someone? Do you also dodge the situation like a pro? Why do you feel the fear and why do you avoid confrontations?
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you had when you confronted someone, or someone confronted you and the outcome. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you. Use your “Communications Work-Book” to save your essay. At the end, you will submit all work books for your certificate!
This module includes the following:
- Why Become a Life Coach
- Passive Communicator
- Passive – Aggressive
- Good Listener
- Confront & Level
- Attitude Check & Confession
- I Feel Good, PST™
module 1: “Attitudes”. Followed by, “Your Logical Thoughts”. Then, “Your Unlawful Thoughts”. Then, “How Well Do You Communicate”. Then, “Drugs, Alcohol, and You”. Then, “Your Uncontrolled Anger”. Followed by, “Is Your Life in Balance”. Finally, “Your Relationships”.
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
George Tannous, PhD
What is a Confession and How to Prepare One?
A CONFESSION IS WHEN YOU’VE DISPLAYED A WRONG BEHAVIOR AND WERE HELD ACCOUNTABLE BY ONE OF YOUR FAMILY MEMBERS, PEERS, OR EVEN BY YOU. YOU ACKNOWLEDE IT& YOU TELL US ABOUT IT. YOU ACKNOWLEDGE THE ATTITUDE(s) YOU VIOLATED AND YOU GIVE US A PLAN OF ACTION TO NOT REPEAT THE WRONG ATTITUDE!
Suppose my wife’s car broke down. I informed her that I would take it to the mechanic, and have it fixed but I did not. What attitudes did I violate?
In this scenario, I was not responsible, and I did not care about my wife’s car as I promised. I was not kindhearted towards her. Here comes the confession:
A confession is broken into three segments as follow:
1. I need to identify myself and inform the person verbally or written about the event that took place.
2. I need to explain the event.
3. I need to identify the attitude(s) I violated.
4. I need to devise a plan of action to not violate this attitude again.
Identify myself: Hello, my name is G. Constantine Tannous, and I am writing this confession today about an event that took place between my wife and I last Thursday June 28, 2021.
The event and what happened: Last Thursday, my wife informed me that her 2019 Toyota Camry needs repair. She told me that when she applies the brakes to stop the car they squeak. Fixing cars has always been my responsibility in our household. I promised her that I would take it to the mechanic the same day and have it fixed. I asked her to take Uber to and from work. I did not fulfil my promise to her. I did not take it to the mechanic. I hung out with my friends and played cards all day. My thought was, “I’ll take it later” and later never came. When my wife came home, she was disappointed by my behavior. She was saddened. She made it clear to me that I’ve hurt her feelings.
Attitude(s) violated: In retrospecting and looking deep within me, I acknowledge that I violated two attitudes. The first one is not being responsible and the second is not caring, not being considerate. (The violations mentioned above are from the “Attitude’s Module”. As you progress in your studies in different modules, you’ll incorporate more violations.)
Future plan of action: I have made a promise to myself and to my wife that next time something like this event takes place with her or anyone else, I will be responsible and caring and I need to act upon it immediately. “NO LAZY THINKING To Put Things Off”. I punished myself to not eat any chocolate for a week. (I love chocolates.)
I hope the above example made sense to you. In life, we need to recognize and acknowledge our actions. We need to commit it in writing, and we need to inform others about it. And that is where our “Confession’s Forum” comes into play. You see, once you perform a confession, many members of the community will give you feedback and that’s how we learn in order to give feedback to other members and our clients.
Suppose a married couple comes to you for help. For coaching! Their relationship is struggling. You ask questions in order to discover why. You find out that the husband spends way too much time with his friends drinking and playing cards while the wife is cleaning the house, taking care of the kids, and cooking. Immediately, and from your studies, you recognize that the husband is struggling with responsibility and caring. No guessing game, right? You them spend time with the both of them discussing each topic. You educate them on doing a confession to you. You’ll inform them that you’ll take them on a journey of the eight core attitudes. You tell them that if they have an open mind to it, their relationship will prosper.
Keep in mind that this client will need to be with you throughout seventy lessons. At two per week, this will take 35 weeks to complete their journey.
You see, traditional life coaching or therapy takes the form of letting the client discover what they need and want. You allow them to plan their course of action through their own mindset. This is difficult. What works the most is learned behavior towards one another.
OUR EDUCATION WORKS AND AS YOU PRTICIPATE IN IT, YOU’LL BE A WALKING TESTIMONY!
I have prepared a worksheet for you to use in preparing an attitude check. Upon completion of each lesson, do one. Also, teach your clients to do one. Print many.
Activating Event: (tell us what happened)
Attitudes violated: (such as caring, super optimism, blaming, etc.,)
In retrospecting, I discovered that I violated the following attitudes:
Future Plan of Action: (Tell us what you plan to do in order to not violate the attitude)
All Modules: “Attitudes”. Followed by, “Your Logical Thoughts”. Then, “Your Unlawful Thoughts”. Then, “How Well Do You Communicate?” Then, “Drugs, Alcohol, and You”. Then, “Your Uncontrolled Anger”. Followed by, “Is Your Life in Balance”. Finally, “Your Relationships”.
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time.
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate.
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.