The core features of obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD) are frequent and persistent thoughts, impulses or images that are experienced as unwelcomed and uninvited. They do not tend to have specific weaknesses in their understanding and use of language. I need help for my daughter. Their lives seem directionless and they appear to drift along in life. He still does. I let it go at that time and decided to seek therapy for myself since my husband kept telling me I was always complaining, sad, depressed, delusional, critical, judgemental, condescending, needy etc.. We will be meeting on Thursdays at 3 PM Eastern Standard Time. Do better with the victim blaming. This term continues to be used in both professional circles (Margot Alexis recently presented Healing from Cassandra Syndrome at the Neurodiverse Love Conference in March 2023). Why go through with it if there is no good reason to assume there might be some likelihood of finding the behaviors and signs of Aspergers? The questionnaires and scales for adults are as follows, in alphabetical order: These questionnaires indicate whether a person has characteristics that match those of people with Aspergers but that, in and of itself, doesnt prove someone has or doesnt have Aspergers. The mission of the Down Syndrome Resource Foundation is to support people living with Down syndrome and their families with individualized and leading-edge educational programs, health services, information . Sounds sort of flip but Penelope Truck once said that neurodiverse women are more like neurotypical men. To claim that any group of people has no empathy is a damaging accusation. Liane Holliday Willey is an educator, author and speaker. I will respond within 24 hours to provide you with the details. He put a curse on her so that no one would ever believe her. We will be meeting one hour every week for four weeks, but youre certainly welcome to continue as long as you need to. Never once has the phrase 'oh. When I hit 30, this particular group will be closed. After speaking to him last night I started doing some reading about the feelings from my side that have motivated my input to what I now realise has contributed to the downfall of our marriage and found cassandra syndrome. An acceptable explanation to other people about the persons behavior is now available leading to the possibility of reconciliation with people who have had problems with the persons behavior. Now I'm positive. School reports might indicate past social and emotional difficulties, along with academic tendencies, that could be relevant to any indications of Aspergers syndrome. Not that ASD is like polio, but as an example of how different situations can bring about different attitudes: They also speak with a normal tone of voice and inflection. I hope you are able to learn from your ignorance and not spread misinformation like this in the future. If your spouse is saying she has Cassandra syndrome it's possible she's joined some of these groups and her outlook is becoming tainted by them. A new, and more accurate, understanding of the person can lead to appreciation and respect for what the person is coping with. Releasing/resolving resentments in the present and fears about the future. I have been married to a man that has the symptoms of Aspergers for 16 years. The phrase, He wears his heart on his sleeve, does not make sense to me. Symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome may include: Craving for carbohydrates and sweet foods Decreased interest in sex and physical contact Desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake Disturbed sleep and early morning wakening Domestic abuse (emotional and/or physical) Extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (over activity) Fatigue While it is not legally acceptable to do so, we know that silent discrimination happens, hiring decisions are not always made public and competition can leave someone with a different profile out of the picture. I am a person who is worthy of others respect and acceptance. We address the ways in which Lisa helps others heal through her support groups, therapy and coaching. After you register, please email me [mbhutten@gmail.com] so I can send you the Skype link. People simply dont comprehend the turmoil involved in living with Autism Spectrum Disorder symptoms. 4th of July. People with Schizoid Personality Disorder (SPD) avoid social relationships and prefer to spend time alone. Cassandra Syndrome is not an accepted psychiatric diagnosis but is a description of a historic pattern of women not being believed. Again, screening questionnaires are designed to identify potential cases of Aspergers syndrome but they are not a substitute for a thorough diagnostic assessment. And again, I wasnt censoring you. Do you have Aspergers Syndrome (Autism Spectrum Disorder) or know someone who does? Are you looking for a reference guide about Aspergers in adults? Social Anxiety Disorder, also called social phobia, occurs when a person has a fear of social situations that is excessive and unreasonable. Cassandra & OTRS Support Groups FOR THE NEUROTYPICAL SPOUSE RELATIONSHIP OF CONVENIENCE? While it was named after a mythical woman, it is not restricted to wives in neurodiverse marriages, but can happen with either gender. Nothing was ever spontaneous. The lack of partnership; easy communication and calm discussion was impossible. She was married to an Asperger's man. This unethical behavior has caused families immense pain and devastation. The improvement in their marriages will come only from each person changing. They are frequently deceitful and manipulative so as to obtain money, sex, power of some other form of personal profit or pleasure. The boys still cant eat a meal without comments being made about the way theyre eating. Here is a description of the psychiatric conditions most frequently associated with Aspergers: People with ADHD typically have difficulty paying attention to whats going on around them, they are easily distracted, they tend to do things without thinking about the results, they are often forgetful, have trouble finishing what they intended to do, are disorganized, jump from one activity to another, are restless and have poor social skills. These women are not grappling with a partner who has autism, but rather struggling with common relationship issues or worse, being manipulated and abused by a narcissist. I just welled up reading this. Do they qualify for a diagnosis of Aspergers, or not? In her 2001 book, Aspergers Syndrome in the Family: Redefining Normal in the Family, she wrote the following self-affirmation pledge for those with Aspergers syndrome. Cassandra syndrome or Cassandra complex is when a person's warning goes unheeded. One husband observed: My wife is highly intelligent and quite competent in her field. Dealing with people suffering from AS can be challenging, which is why having the right source of information is necessary.. Aspergers and Social Anxiety Disorder share the common element of discomfort in social situations. It can eliminate the worry that a person is severely mentally ill. I am committed to him, but in order to stay I must find help. The assessment process itself is time consuming and it can be costly. Can they have intimate relationships & be successful parents? That's helpful to my mental state. I'm just saying, police your own community. I have experience supporting neuro typical partners within relationships or after separation. This is truly mind-boggling. My experience is that my ASD partner having a meltdown is exhausting, even if I retreat to another room for both our sakes. When they are down, they feel sad, empty, hopeless, worthless and inappropriately guilty. Claiming that neurodiverse people are as a whole harmful to be in a relationship with is not only untrue, but ableist. The line reads, "Typically, only when their children are diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum do those around her begin to question whether her husband may be likewise neurotypical." The families of adults affected by Cassandra Syndrome can also improve and they will be able to parent in an easier way. Instead, they blame victims of their aggression, irresponsibility and exploitation. In my clinical experience, they also often have greater social skills at blending. However, these relationships can also have problems, as you point out. If your answer is Yes to any of these questions, this book is for you. I work with women who have been married to NA for decades. It's been hell and your site is a big help, so thankyou. The first meeting covers general facts about the person, particular those relating to his or her present life. On the other hand, people with Aspergers tend to focus on only one activity at a time, and they focus on that activity intensely with little regard for anything else going on around them. Believing Cassandra is part of New Path Couples Therapy, Inc., a 501(c)(3) nonprofit. The Empathizing-Systemizing Theory of Adult Autism Spectrum Disorder. Loss of self. My heart goes out to those who are experiencing the symptoms of Cassandra Syndrome. People with OCD have better social skills, empathy and social give and take than those with Aspergers. They may be frustrated, claiming that their partner refuses to talk about emotions, is overly controlling, 'narcissistic' or blames them when things go wrong. The difference is that people with Aspergers do not view these behaviors are unwelcomed. She was diagnosis with Aspergers syndrome in 1999. When he was anxious hed go into overdrive cleaning and re-organising the house and expect everyone to stop whatever they were doing and help. Acceptance by friends and family members is more likely. With this in mind, what is the actual process of finding out whether someone has Aspergers? If, on the other hand, the person engages in limited back-and-forth communication, attempts to make friends in odd and typically unsuccessful ways, and is not especially interested in reaching out to others, a diagnosis of Aspergers could be considered but not assured. PARTNERS of Alexithymics face unique challenges that are often misunderstood by others, creating an atmosphere of isolation and loneliness. While often gendered, its actually quite possible for either sex. The topics discussed include the following: Establishing emotional safety within a group, or some other container to establish a sense of belonging and be validated. The only way to tell is to be around someone long enough to experience what they are like, to see how they respond in situations that test the features of Aspergers and ask the right kinds of questions to clarify whether they have those features. There is test yet developed that can be used to make a diagnosis of Aspergers, no instrument that measures Aspergers nor any procedure that can objectively sort out those with Aspergers from those without it. The untrained therapist, might ask her to describe the problem. Diagnosing Aspergers is a fairly easy process in principle. They have little interest in their usual activities, have little appetite, sleep more than usual, are slowed down, have difficulty concentrating and sometimes have suicidal thoughts. Ive begun to expect that wanting to feel cared for, loved, even understood is unrealistic, that Im asking for something I dont deserve to have. About this group. Difficulty interpreting non-verbal communication and subtle aspects of how people relate to each other is characteristic of adults with Aspergers. When everything has been addressed to the extent allowed in this timeframe, the final part of the clinical interview is the presentation of my findings. All too often, spouses and partners of adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder are met with puzzled looks, bewilderment, or even skepticism when describing their relationships. When she backed out of a deal that she'd made with Greek God Apollo, he was angry. A couple of years ago I confided in my sister in law and she suggested my husband might have Asperger because she self diagnosed and feels her dad and older brother also have it. We both respect and advocate for living and loving in effective neurodiverse relationships and many of us have taken advanced training to be better at doing this. And clearly there is not a person at fault here, only unintended consequences and lack of understanding. Having the diagnosis is a relief for many people. Thanks so much for this article. Camp Vicente Lim, Laguna , Philippines Dalawa pang bayan sa Polilio Group of Islands sa lalawigan ng Quezon ang idineklarang "insurgency free" ng mga awtoridad. She is a Psychologist who had a Asperger's parent. The advantages of having an accurate, reliable diagnosis of Aspergers are many. She is also the founder and president of Couples Therapy Inc. Dr. K feels passionate about couples therapy and sex therapy and holds a deep respect towards those who invest in making their relationship better. If youre ready to get started, register using the PayPal. My clinical opinion is that tensions go down between wives and husbands when the woman understands that the destructive labels that shes defaulted to, about her husband, arent accurate. no partnership, no communication, no affection, no love at all. While in Mark's group, I completed homework exercises. A woman of strength and conviction, Shelly. In addition, whereas Aspergers occurs early in the persons life, OCD develops later in life. She will make sure you will have a safe place to talk, learn, heal and grow. It explains why ordinary couples therapy has been disastrous. My question is: how can I appropriately encourage him to engage in learning things that will help our relationship. If you have any questions, please email me: Cassandra Syndrome Recovery Support-Group on Facebook, Decreased interest in sex and physical contact, Desire to oversleep and difficulty staying awake, Disturbed sleep and early morning wakening, Domestic abuse (emotional and/or physical), Extremes of mood and short periods of hypomania (over activity), Feelings of anger, depression and anxiety, Feelings of hopelessness and despair, sometimes apathy and loss of feelings, High relational conflict with the ASD spouse, Irritability and desire to avoid social contact, More vulnerable to infections and other illnesses, Reduced marital or relationship satisfaction. Women are relieved, and it reduces the demonization, it doesnt increase it. I been through it all. Feelings of anger/depression. In my practice, I have learned that with proper context, the diagnosis (or even the descriptor of "neuroatypical") brings both relief and despair. Other professionals may take different steps but I have a clear-cut procedure that I go through when asked to assess Aspergers. Following and understanding simple conversation has become almost impossible for him. An example is previous medical reports documenting signs of early language delays and/or peculiarities, coordination problems, behavioral difficulties or unusual physical problems. There are real changes that can occur once couples have better ways to understand, communicate, and gain greater empathy. Are you looking for a reference guide about Autism Spectrum Disorder in adults? He thinks that if he learns about Catholicism or the system of roads, that will solve the problem (I am not being sarcastic). They believe that their partner gets off with a much less onerous task. When I assess someone for Aspergers I ask to meet face-to-face for three meetings. Individuals with Antisocial Personality Disorder (APD) disregard and violate the rights of others. Along with these thoughts are repetitive behaviors or mental acts that the person feels driven to perform in order to reduce stress or to prevent something bad from happening. The Cassandra Phenomenon In the early 2000's, the term Cassandra Phenomenon, sometimes referred to as the Cassandra syndrome, was coined to describe a group of symptoms that often occur in individuals who live with or know adults with Autism Spectrum Disorder. As an inter-generational PTSD sufferer myself (my mother had her own PTSD on top of NPD/borderline), I thought I understood the world. The current diagnostic strategy for identifying Lynch syndrome, the most common inherited cancer syndrome, as recommended by the National Comprehensive Cancer Network [] and the Evaluation of Genomic Applications in Practice and Prevention group [], involves screening tumours for evidence of DNA mismatch repair (MMR)-deficiency (dMMR) via immunohistochemical staining for loss of expression of . It is alarming that those who push this agenda refuse to engage in meaningful dialogue with objective individuals in order to control the narrative. Looking toward growth and finding a broader view of the past. This can reach a point where social situations are avoided completely. He had no awareness of mine or our childrens feelings, how our feelings may impact an event or situation and it became despairing. Even though I'm the one who takes care of our home, work full time (earn twice his income), provide for myself, puts food on the table, he's still critical. It is priceless to learn the stories of people who are around the same age as me or older than me with a lot more life experience with marriage to someone on the autism spectrum. In fact, he was angry most of the time. Donate. They may have preferences for how they handle sensory input like music, touch, sounds, and visual sensations but generally the way they handle these situations is much like other adults. Hes completely out of touch with his feelings and he acts like Im an extension of him, that my job is to please him all the time. "This is why I felt strongly compelled to do this group (how could I NOT do it?). Your email address will not be published. Even believing the woman and diagnosing or labeling the man as "neurodiverse" can be healing. As an adult I suspect this is what my mom has. He's so calm, loving, always home with you, doesn't beat you, doesn't drink or cheat on you etc. Diagnoses are most valid and accurate when they are based on multiple sources of information. Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD) and Relationships, Living with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Assessment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), Treatment of Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD). Its exhausting. To diagnosis and adult with Aspergers requires that the person have: What happens if someone has some of these difficulties but not all? My grandmother had polio, lost the use of one leg, was kept in bed in a leg cast for a year because that was the prevailing medical advice in the rural Midwest, was fortunate and went to college (govt. And to develop a roadmap for your future. That is VERY important. Login. It is called 'Asperger Syndrome: Partners & Family of Adults with ASD'. The description of the neurodivergent marriage finally hits the nail on the head. Many of these women have been purported to suffer from "Cassandra Syndrome," a term coined by psychologist Tony Atwood to refer to women who suspect their partners have Asperger's syndrome, but are disbelieved, . Like the mythological character, she knows what's happening to her, but she's not believed. Hi Doc, can I just say, as a man who has lived with a Neuro-diverse woman for 32 years, it does happen that a man can find himself cast in the role of Cassandra. I will not sacrifice myself-worth for peer acceptance. Cassandra Syndrome is a term that describes the emotional and psychological distress that a neurotypical woman experiences when she marries a neurodiverse man. I had crippling arthritis and all sorts of health challenges during this time. Adults with ADHD tend to process sensory input in a typical manner. Everything matters..everything is dissected and analysed. Join our caring Cassandra Syndrome Support Group where you will find growth and understanding from others who are living your experience. She is currently conducting online and in person private couples retreats. Feeling desperate! Dr. Kenneth Roberson is an Autism Spectrum Disorder psychologist in San Francisco with over 30 years of experience. Individuals with Aspergers are rarely deceitful, in fact, they are often considered excessively, even naively honest, quite unlike those with APD who are predictably deceitful and unremorseful, and unlike people with Aspergers they are incapable of feeling genuine love. So no mention then, of similar distress experienced by a neurotypical man married to a neurodiverse woman ? You try having post-natal depression with an ASD husband!! With the knowledge that one has Aspergers, joining a support group, locally or through the Internet can provide a sense of belonging to a distinct and valued culture and enable the person to consult members of the group for advice and support. I definitely experienced this and it did validate everything that I was feeling so thank you. In my clinical experience, these unions face a unique set of issues. Both believe that. My work is always client focused and I work with individuals, couples, families and companies. No one can do a simple task without it being critiqued, commented on and often shouted at. He cant cope with any plans being changed, has to organise and control everything and no statement or question can be made without there being the Spanish inquisition into it. They get distracted easily and jump from one interest or activity to another. Cost: I NEED HELP!!! I reach out to one of them privately if I'm having a particularly difficult time at the moment. Good for you for recognizing and believing in yourself, rather than the world around you. I first determine whether it makes reasonable sense to undertake an assessment of Aspergers. I have ONLY seen Cassandra syndrome talked about in literal hate groups. In this chapter, I will explain how the process of diagnosing someone for Aspergers is usually carried out, both in general terms and the specific way I undertake a diagnosis. Completing one or more of these questionnaires can identify abilities, inclinations and behavior that could be indicative of Aspergers syndrome.
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