Do I really like this man, no. People who seem to drain you most or all of the time. I do what I want now and make my own decisions without having to factor someone else in that wants to be negative. Weve been married 32 years and I was a therapist for 20 of those years. Their maturing process is made up as they go along because there is no alternative. again, im not an animal that needs to be trained. In fact, their lack of understanding of social cues, situations, and intentions can make many of them more likely to manipulate even if it isnt entirely intentional. If I try to see him through glass I can see that he is self-obsessed, opinionated, considers himself always right (which he almost always is because of his intelligence) can be arrogant and is consumed with his own family, their happiness and his health. She has equal parts of autistic traits AND narcissistic traits! I sat down on my bed, said a prayer and asked for forgiveness for the person I had become. Rather than getting upset by this, I recommend practicing acceptance. He told me I have Aspergers Syndrome, I had books to buy and strategies to learn etc. I have been diagnosed with autism spectrum disorder after years of being considered as bipolar. I wondered how anyone with narcissism could show empathy or how people on ASD could be social. Perhaps stepping back from your family, husband and anyone else in your life, and trying to feel if they have good vibes (as my autistic daughter says) may allow you to find those you want in your life and those you dont. One way of proving they do indeed have empathy, is the evidence to show those in the autistic range often have a deep affinity with animals and feel very much at ease around them. He made me cut ties with a lot of my friends shortly after we got together, because of them being aware of my sexual past, because of him feeling ashamed of me, and being associated with someone whod done certain things. That includes his dental work. If one reads up about some of the brilliant high functioning autistic people in this world, and individuals that have been perceived to be on the spectrum, some have done some amazing things. Narcissism, according to the American Psychiatric Association's DSM-5 criteria for narcissistic personality disorder, includes somethough not necessarily allof the following features:. I been rich, my family is rich and it never made anyone happy. Nikola Tesla, Steve Jobs, Sir Isaac Newton, Michelangelo, Temple Grandin, Albert Einstein, Barbara McClintock, just to name a few. There is nothing really wrong with her she just doesnt think like I do. Now that I understand what makes her tick, I have been able to make adjustments to the way we interact and this has made our lives far better. But the relationship was then, and hard, and without that relationship I mentioned, with the Aspergers/Narcissicistic person, I would not have had my second breakdown in 2015, which was more severe than the first, and took much longer to recover from. Any thoughts? This brings out the worst in him ,but at least Im no longer his whipping boy. Dont give up as you will be holding the answers for yourself deep inside yourselves. Study the concept of narcissistic supply and you will discover that people with narcissism are fed by the reactions they get. The Body Keeps the Score: Mind, Brain and Body in the Transformation of Trauma, by Bessel Van Der Kolk Im a laid back person & im used to him not talking to me & wanting his own space to do his own thing & not socialising , but sometimes he gets me so stressed I end up with a bad headache & feel sick. I had to get my teaching license renewed and finally retired as a teacher. I see my psychiatrist regularly. My family story is full to the brim with the human condition and how it can impact the members of an afflicted family. It may help the person feel in control, superior, or powerful. I understand if you dont want to add this comment to your site. I can not lie or hide my thoughts, opinions or feelings what you see is what you get. I dont feel scared or anything and he usually storms out and drives to him mums 17 miles away, returning in two or three hours. But living with them 24-7 is a different matter. It was actually a turning point in my life. This appears as a very one sided relationship. And then on the flip side again, he definitely sits on the pity pot and blames others. He is happy for me to do this but not in our home, especially when he is around or knows about it. Joanna. Autism and a Narcissistic Personality Disorder could suit him? I liken it to the logic of the Vulcan in Star Trek. Nine months ago his 34 year old daughter moved back in with him after getting a divorce and had an old dog that had been living with her friend while shed been married and now wanted it at her dads place to live with her. My husband has some from both but primarily Narcissism but just got diagnosed in 1 hour for Asperger. He said I it was from a 30 year job in law enforcement where that is accepted but I think its just the way he is like he has no clue not to do it. I have read that child abuse survivors sometime drift into or plunge into abusive relationships as adults. This works out well because Narcissistic people dont take responibilty or blame for any of their own behaviour and having a condition to blame works for both of us. He is only playing with you. I hope there is someone in your life to guide you to be responsible for yourself as it sounds this has been missing for you, or you have not understood what was being taught and you may feel threatened by this. I am very supportive of his family and I ask questions and give him feedback but even when I bring my family he doesnt really seem too interested. Individuals with Asperger's may have some anxiety surrounding intimacy, and physical closeness can sometimes make them uncomfortable. I was hoovered not once, not twice, but thrice by a woman Im pretty sure has high-functioning autism and c-ptsdthat is, if her story checks out. As to your question of whether they can pick up narcissistic traits from their parents, I believe any child can pick up these traits, as children we learned a lot by copying what we saw. I met my second wife, and same thing happened, but it lasted longer (the books and strategies worked). He has almost savant like abilities with facts, dates, details and questions if others really know what theyre talking if they cant relate their knowledge as well as he does. Break up and never look back. I have included a link if I may that may help with some understanding of the situation. Ive heard this called conversational narcissism. I told him this once and he said maybe you shouldnt be with me then. I personally feel if anyone wants a good example of a full blown narcissist, the president of the USA is one of them. Weird, but Im not complaining. Aspergers is simply the term used to define high functioning autism they are diferent only by degrees. My husband is fine with animals but has problems with humans. I honestly dont know if I would bother with therapy if not for the potential to help improve my marriage as we both move into our middle age (which Ive heard can be a turning point for many/most). Hes always been like this even as child he would compete with me and show me how he did things better than me. Is it common for people to be a narcissist and be Autistic? That may be that Ive touched a window with my fingertips, or dropped something on the floor, or laughed too loudly. That said, she was abusing me over an extended period of time whether it was High-functioning Autism, NPD, BPD, ASPD, C-PTSD, Substance addiction, or any number of combinations of these conditions. So I have a confusing situation, please bare with me. No DIY, repairs, painting or buy things for the house, I feel like he doesnt deserve it! I am married and have been for 6 yrs. 7. 3. My reaction scared me and I finally left him for my own sanity. if I may add it to this reply. I now underdstood that this was something he was never going to be able to give me now matter how good, kind generous, forgiving I was. She experiences uncontrollable anxiety, apparently something that is unique and at different levels for those within the autism spectrum. Robin. These are human beings and he seems to brush them off like flies. hell often make comments about other peoples teeth and how he wishes his looked like that, or says things like I bet they dont have the problems with their teeth I do.. We have a good relationship, and she has a learning disability which makes me learn more towards autism, but there are some glaring narcissistic traits as well. I suffered so much, went down in alcoolism, drugs, compulsive gambling. There is a site called First Wives World that may be of help as well. We developed fantastic intimacy when were were in that space, and I doubt Ill find anything to compare with it. Now they act as those never existed. She kept sending me by force to therapies then after enable me to gamble use my father psychological attacks on me or do it herself if need be to take me down down then when at the bottom .. finish me off with a big loan i never wanted. He told me hes leaving to help his ex again knowing how hurt I was the first time. Not everyone wants to help like I do. I had to write to the director of the foundation here and expose the entire situation in a group email .. to force them into action. The anxiety she feels is not what normal people feel, where one can calm oneself to a certain degree. All I ever wanted was to be valued and to feel like I was an important person in his life. Ive lived with a Narcissist/abuser now for almost 44 years. He has reason to be upset, as successive dentists have not whats been needed and left him with some problems. I am more aware now and conclude that one or both of my parents may have been narcissistic, and one maybe HSP also, which may have brought on schizophrenic symptoms. He was so young and so small and had no protection, from what I can gather. When I have these thoughts I think of it as the Mammoth thats weighing me down, and after a little practice I can now make that lousy thought from my Mammoth disappear. It is unlikely, for an individual to be both autistic and narcissistic. depression. I tried to encourage him to get himself assessed but he said he didnt see the point given his age he didnt think it would be beneficial. I never solved it, it just wasnt there any more. Its the largest and best appointed flat weve ever lived in, but Ive been looking for two years to move out and barely found any place that meets our standards. I need to mention some good things about him as a partner so as not to appear one sided. But we do have good times and the rages only happen every 5 or 6 months. Animals dont ask for emotions to be laid bare, they dont expect any kind of social level from a person, they accept a human as they are and from what I have observed some on the autism spectrum put an animal above any friends on their friends list, because animals dont put humans down as stupid, beneath them, inferior, and all the other stupid belittling emotions that circulate in society these days. So very saddening. This has happened to me several times. My husband and. A truly beautiful person. people with autism are not identical in their behavior. People can tolerate some poisoning in the above or they can tolerate being in anti-social clean environments but they can not do both A few months later there was a second flashback. I learned that my breakdown was caused not by the stress of change of job and moving house to another county. The last one disappeared somehow, I noticed, when I began to recover from the 2nd 2015 breakdown. I cannot help but point out any inconsistencies or double standards and am unable to take them in my stride or let them go. This article is painfully outdated and misinformed about autism which makes me question the other things it says too (though not everything is wrong). I have High Functioning Autism and I also have antisocial tendencies I must always keep properly managed. Im guessing he didnt understand that his guilt-tripping behaviour was in fact guilt-tripping and would cause me to feel horrible, because he has the autistic trait of not having some of that surface-level emotional and situational understanding. When I read the report in the link, it certainly described her situation. I do think he has a certain amount of autism as I have read a lot on that even before I met him, its a subject that interests me considering my own thoughts that I may have a small degree of it. However, it is generally agreed that aspergers can be a comorbid condition with narcissism, meaning that someone can have both aspergers and narcissism. This is something perhaps to think about in trying to find a psychologist that will test adults, and what level you are on. Im super confused for myself right now (and how narcissistic is that right out of the gate!!). I try to make others happy cauz it makes me .. happy. So good luck to anyone whos in the same situation as myself. He says theres no sex and professes confusion as to why that would bother me. I had no idea how narcissism presented itself in relationships and have read a lot about it as time has passed. If they dont then they are definitely in the narcissistic range. Married 49 years. Because i could sit .. and write down all of this.. all the proof that shows.. its real. Quite the opposite. Its a weird feeling to feel both incapable of understanding why you do certain selfish things (and want to stop), and still do them. He is capable of being quite charming when he wants to be and has three lady friends who think he is wonderful. Im a Christian and like the verse that says He that covers over his sins shall not prosper and vengeance is mine, I will repay and he who troubles his house shall inherit the wind. My husband certainly does. functional) neurologist or neuroscientist I will certainly go to that site as you suggest because as you can see from my texts I dont know which way is up anymore just that something is not right. Asperger's syndrome may manifest as narcissistic social isolation, as well as difficulty reading others' feelings. All I can say from my own experience is to try to learn as much as you can about the condition to help with understanding it. I was not doing much things wrong but they were piling up horribles moves that i started calling out. Like looking through real glass and not the rose coloured kind. With the publication of the fifth edition of the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-5), this label disappeared, replaced by autism spectrum. Mel, how is your reading comprehension? Now i try to.. get some self-esteem since no one would ever tell me anything good about myself i had to find it on my own. And yes if you can get away from the blackhole like spirit of these people you are unwittingly facilitating. He loves sarcasm but sometimes it just sounds like disguised meanness to me and again Im too sensitive if I say it bothers me. I suggest walking away from those you dont, and dont give in to the guilt trip that you feel bad because you havent seen them, or some other guilt you feel. In the beginning he would say inappropriate remarks about other women in front of me telling me I was too sensitive when I asked him not to do that. Living with a narcistic man I now see he had me just where he wanted me and that was always below him and to never feel anything good for myself. He is kind, considerate, loving, thoughtful, caring and tells me everyday how much I mean to him and how loved I am. I think I partly understand why it went but it would take a lot of explaining, and Ive probably written enough in this comment. Courage is needed along with perciverance. And while they were all working on their own masterplans to ruins everyones life i was seeing, understanding the lies, manipulations. I spent the next few years working on myself, looking after the family and working full time in an office which was good for me at that time. He then insists I look at them several times a day, tells me hates them, and he cant cope with how upset they make him. This article is disappointing. Well if i were i would surely read articles like this to find out sollutions for problems :p Anyway the consensus that narcissism is incurable seems a very challenging statement but it is beyond my scope to decide if thats true.. Mel, you are incorrect. Courage my friends.xx. i also enjoyed reading your notion that autistic people are unable to correctly support their loved ones; thanks for throwing me under the bus by inferring that im somehow incompetent at anything my loved ones care about. They are able to talk themselves up and can be dismissive of others. Hello Freja, I understand there are four levels of autism. I wish you luck with your maturation as time moves on. I randomly searched and found your comments and felt like I found an answer I was long searching for. And no you arent grumbling unnecessarily as you are in effect keeping him, and he isnt a dependent child, he is supposed to be a partner. 1. When autistics and allistics communicate, it might come across that the autistic doesnt care, but the core difference between them and someone with NPD is the intention behind their actions. 8. Has huge difficulties with social interaction. I didnt want to hurt them or have children that would end up like me. Its the only way, hes toxic and it wont ever get any better. Over the course of the next 2 years I turned my life around and gave it everything I had, however it was not meant to be and I ended the marriage in April 2019. The more I got to know him I realized he would talk incessantly about himself, his daughters, his hobbies, his past job in law enforcement, his health. Joanna. Before anyone says does it matter which label he has or if he has one at (because I do get these questions so please dont think I am being rude or aggressive). Warm regards, Jean. Its your personal journey and it sounds as though you need specific support, for some reasonable time. Am I moaning too much? It all depends on the person and those are on the autism spectrum are difficult to understand. I been destroyed and they tried to ruin my life up to .. erasing it for decades. If he werent so old as he is, (8 yrs older than me,) with mitigating family concerns, Id divorce now. If you listened closely you could almost hear the choking sound in his voice when he complimented me. Attracting people outside your own age group is an Asperger's trait. Break up and never look back. My brother stopped communicating with me. It is also apparent that they can only process one thought at a time, and are continually on catch up throughout the day, a reason why autistic children come home like bears with sore heads. The relationship will fail if you think that "dropping hints" or describing your needs in vague terms is enough to get your point across. Very interesting. Hi Ive been married to a man for 25 yrs Im a lively & sociable 73 & hes 64 , who Ive always believed he is on the Asperger / autistic spectrum (not diagnosed ) he made me so ill with headaches & stress , & im not as vivacious as I used to be because of-my husband . If you saw him, youd think nothing was out the ordinary. Furthermore, many on the autistic spectrum are hyper-empathic and hyper-feeling, and if you speak with autistic people, you would know that. The ones that work to gain your trust.. work in fields like these.. are nice .. too nice.. then stab you in the back or when you ask.. the important questions like mine.. they suddenly start working in the same direction aas my family. i have autism and im not one-dimensional. But anyway the novel is getting long again so ill leave it there for the story. . They all believed that i had a magical power like a jedi and that for me everything in life was easy and that if i didnt achieve anything so far it wasnt because of theeir help or because of all my life struggle, nope i was just LAZY. Another candidate could be Anders Breivik interestingly enough having copied and pasted bits from the unabombers manifest changing leftist to cultural marxist. You are so right Robin, Its exactly as you say where Id give another chance and the misery would start all over again. People stop accepting non-sense from pseudo-experts and get some big perspective on life. Good luck to all of you struggling to understand your own difficulties. Sociopathy or its synonym Psychopathy is not listed as a mental disorder, instead these personality traits are covered within the diagnosis of APD. I feel tremendous empathy knowing hes probably had to deal with the way he is his whole life, him not understanding why he has run ins with other people. From what you have said, he considers you are the problem in this relationship and this is the reason why he is making statements that it is not working and hes telling you this with his list. This is typical narcissistic behaviour and is a tactic they use to demoralise and destroy the confidence of another person who allows them into his or her life. This means being around people she doesnt know causes her anxiety she cant control, so to counteract this she retreats back into her safe place. I need context for everything to understand it. I didnt realize that but it makes sense. Both.. one after another.. a decade in between each other.. parent tried to kill me. I read your piece about your life and trouble with interest. It is helpful to be flexible and adaptable. I have a 32 year old daughter who still lives with me and has high functioning autism, her personality is nothing like his was. For instance, I have autism, but Im not one-dimensional, I behave differently around different people (as does everyone you dont behave the same way to your SO as to your boss and to your friends). Its just that they are not equipped to figure all i could, and the society itself is built to protect narcs and not the opposite. Rescuing the Inner Child: Therapy for Adults Sexually Abused as Children Is the author advocating that partners of aspies should stay? When we returned from our trip after we had a falling out he said its just my personality to find fault with everything. But Im sure lots of couples overcome these difficulties or learn to live around each other in less conventional ways. In the past I have family here If he goes away camping for the weekend etc but I want to be able to have my door open for them not just on those occassions. However the Blind person cannot fathom how they know so much about it, so he gets up and eventually fumbling feels the statue lifts it, the texture, centre of gravity and many extra details you get from that sort of examination ( please pretend everyone else didnt notice the blind guy doing this) The blind guy tries to contribute to the conversation but no one relates to what hes talking about, because they have only observed the colour appearance and possible texture. Dont expect them in your relationship with the person with narcissism. What an awful thing to say to someone trying to recover from narcissism. Why are people meeting the possessed etc in the first place, let alone staying 25 years? ! And end up leaving a 12,500$ limit credit card on my kitchen table.. in case of emergency ffs she had done the same 10 years before by making me have a 10,000$ student loan i didnt even need or asked for that she made me have after i succeeded 1st year of college and my family started to panic at the idea that i could finish my degree and turn against them so i spent summer working where she lives and have her work my brain for 3 months to end up destroying me just before i go back to school.. with 5,000$ in bank. Yes you are right, some days I feel okay then others I feel I have failed and sad. I idolize her and at the same time she challenges me to a degree where I can barely think straight when she asks me questions. Broken mirrors: A theory of autism. Hang in there life does get better you just have to find that way out. Narcissism is a personality condition that ranges from mild to severe. Likewise it is also possible to have both Aspergers and mental disorders including sociopath and narcissism. When I first met him I thought he talked a lot but he did ask me a few questions about myself and we got along okay. l also learned about baiting because I realized he does it all the time and I tried to emotionally distance myself from his remarks. Here are some books that helped me a lot, saved my life in fact. Women with Aspergers over 40 are driven to GET AWAY from what they don't like doing. I was partner of person with high functioning Aspergers for 18 years. How what??? I try to be as humble and honest as i can but in our world the narcs are everywhere and they abuse it everytime they can so i had to change. Psychopaths, autism, empathy, and mirror neurons. The Blind Guy starts is ridiculed because no one has experienced the Statue like him, some of the seeing may experience some of the things, but dont understand the blind man not knowing what blue was and what it depicted, the blind man man has a lot more information about the statue, but has no way of describing it the way most people see it. A lot to learn but worth trying. Autism also resides on a spectrum. It sounds as though you may have to make a stand and for yourself as life will not change until you do. Realize you can teach a person on the autism spectrum how to be different. I feel so sorry for my mom who has lived with this man for thirty six years, Goodness me. Too many underlying issues causing the mental illness, Id say. Now we meet every 2 weeks, and have a chat and a coffee, we still have interests and ideas and views in common so plenty to talk about. Its easy for me to say you need to get a different perspective on life. If you build house you build houses! The unabomber didnt want to be touched by his parents when child and more autismtypical traits. Has any one else been through something like this? So i could spend all year giving all the examples that proves my point.. no therapist or psy ever acknowledged my story. So i try to open my own eyes, sustain the face in the mirror which i do pretty well these days hehe :) . It took me a lot of book reading and watching DVDs to begin to understand where my daughter was coming from and it was very much of a relief to finally understand what I was doing wrong in the way I was handling her. I lived with him for around 38 years and one of the worst things to be experienced is the manipulation and degrading of personal self and loneliness under the barrage of rot they seem to like to dish up. I felt I had accurately diagnosed him as an Aspie many moons ago, wirh no empathy and it did feel better when I realised it was not all my fault. As you say autistic individuals are not all the same, I believe you are right and some do have a certain amount of empathy, as my daughter has and I was told by several experts that this is unusual, but then there may be others that dont exhibit much at all, so, they are said to not have any. It is a neurologically caused developmental condition. verging on psychopath too, since he sat on me when I was pregnant and cut my wedding ring off with wire clippers once. Break up and never look back. Does he do horrible things, yes. I diagnosed my husbands Aspergers and found ways of managing it within our relationship. Im very easy going although not a push over. No empathy! However, hes very one-dimensional and not connected to his feelings. Look to any anthropology. I am peaceful, i dont work against others. Others dont want to see me.. i dont want to see them gg lol. See if this happens, but be really careful when it does. He also spoke about how a child with autism may come home from school and want to play a DVD, video game or such like, over and over in the same afternoon. Im 73 now, and feel better than Ive ever been in my whole life, more cheerful, creative, mentally aware and relaxed, etc.
David Robertson Net Worth,
Aiglon College Student Death,
Articles C