Module 6: Anger Be Gone

Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“.  Example:  If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”,  “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.

Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!

Our emotions play a crucial role in giving direction to our thoughts and actions. Our emotions enable us to make decisions, they help us empathize, they help us survive and thrive, and sometimes our emotions motivate us to take action.

Human beings of all cultures are gifted with six basic emotions. According to psychologist Paul Ekman, these emotions are happiness, fear, sadness, disgust, surprise, and anger. We all experience these emotions in our day-to-day lives, and we all indulge in these from time to time.

But one of these emotions is particularly frowned upon. One of these emotions has been labeled as a “bad emotion” by the motivational gurus and social media influencers. Yes, you guessed it; that emotion is anger.

There are several factors that cause anger. Some of these factors include criticism, humiliation, hurt, injustice, frustration, powerlessness, arguments, neglect, threats, unmet demands, and broken expectations.

Upbringing also plays an important role in deciding how a person learns to channel their anger. Not every child is blessed with family members that are loving, empathetic, caring, and patient. If role models in the house don’t constructively channel their anger, if children are witnessing verbal or physical violence, then they often also adopt those same behaviors. 

When a child grows up in an environment where neglect and abuse are used as a tool, the child grows up to be an uncontrollable and frustrated teenager. Even after entering adulthood these children often fail to handle their emotions and carry the turmoil of unmet emotional childhood needs. Broken families frequently give birth to broken children who fail to express themselves in a healthy manner.

So, what happens when someone is unable to handle this emotion? What happens when anger starts controlling them?

Consequences of anger:

Have you ever wondered why out of the six basic emotions, anger is the one that’s considered the worst and why? Mismanaged anger always comes with negative consequences. When a person fails to manage their anger, it not only puts them through pain and suffering but can also bring harm to others.

Angry people can end up alienating people. People on the receiving end can end up feeling intimidated, sad, insulted or even afraid. When people lash out, it not only affects their physical and mental wellbeing but also puts the wellbeing of others at risk. Anger in relationships leads to tension, frustration, and resentment. Sometimes, spontaneous eruptions destroy old relationships.

But it doesn’t end here. Apart from the above, anger also affects your physical wellbeing. People who are unable to handle anger often experience faster breathing, increased heart rate, restlessness, and sweating. Anger can impose health risks. These risks can include headache, increased blood pressure, heart disease, and premature death.

If anger has so many negative effects, can it lead to something constructive? 

Constructive anger:

Everyone is gifted with emotions, and one of the purposes of these emotions is survival. Different emotions are triggered by different situations. We feel happy when we play with babies, we feel hurt when our spouse fails to meet our needs, we feel sad when watching a heartbreaking love story on Netflix. Similarly, anger gets triggered to bring your attention to something important. It makes you aware of your needs, it helps you see what you are missing, it signals something that’s not right, and it drives you to take action.

But sometimes our judgment gets so clouded with the raging emotions that we switch to defense mode and lash out to others rather than addressing the situation and solving the problem.

When anger is channeled constructively, it helps you voice your opinions. It enables you to communicate your needs better and more respectfully. And even if nothing works out, it helps you take action without clouding your judgment.

It only takes a few steps to express your anger positively. It may not be easy at the start, and you may be tempted to give into lashing out, yelling, or even throwing tantrums. But with consistent practice and patience, you can learn to use your anger for good.

Moving from destructive anger to constructive anger:

Grieve: If you are someone who grew up in a house where you lived with adults who indulged in abusive behavior, the very first step toward improvement is to grieve. Grieving helps you confront all the emotions that you keep caged inside. When we grieve we allow ourselves to feel the emotions and pain. We allow ourselves to feel sad about past situations and tragic events. We open doors to healing. Remember, everyone in this process moves at their own pace. Some people take months to grieve about their trauma. Take all the time you need.

Take a break: Whenever you feel like anger is taking over, take a break. Isolate yourself from the situation. There are a few ways that can provide you comfort in stressful situations. Counting can help you distract yourself. Making a comforting tea or a cup of coffee or taking a hot bath with bath salts and oils can help you relax.

Talk to a trusted person: After calming yourself down, reach out to someone who is not part of the situation from a third-person perspective. When we start overthinking a situation, we often get consumed by it; so consumed that we get tangled up in our own thoughts. Talking to someone can provide a fresh perspective and can also help you see a situation as it is.

Maintain a journal: Maintaining a journal is an excellent way of keeping a check on your thoughts. Not only does it help you keep track of your emotions, but it also helps you jot down all of the frustration and anger without bringing harm to others. The habit of maintaining a journal helps you with introspection and helps you clear your mind.

What steps have you taken to combat anger? How has expressing anger in a constructive manner helped you in meeting your needs?

The essay:

Please write an essay, up to two pages, about a past experience you or someone you know lacked in anger management. Tell us in detail, who, what, when, where, why, to whom, the place of what you did. The outcome! And tell us in detail how you could have changed that use from what you learned today so the outcome would have been good. Internalize this lesson. Make it become a part of you.  Share your story in the Forums.

Our advice is for you to practice “This Lesson and Not Becoming Angry” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any time in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the Forum and do a “CONFESSION.”

What is a Confession? A Confession is when you’ve displayed a wrong behavior and were held accountable by one of your family members, peers, or even yourself.  Visit the Forum and tell us about it. We will give you feedback! Make sure to watch the video about Confession for more details! Furthermore, become a member of the Forum and give feedback to others!

Read the article? Time to introspect!

1. What triggers you? How do you handle your anger?
2. How did your parents handle anger? Do you think you have unconsciously picked up the same patterns?
3. How do you feel physically when you get angry? What changes do you observe in your body?
4. Has anger ever brought any positive changes in your life? What were they? Why do you think your anger led to something good?
5. How do you manage your anger and transform it from destructive to constructive? What steps do you take?

Sources:

https://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/causes-of-anger/

https://www.verywellmind.com/constructive-anger-2797286

This module includes the following:

• Introduction
• Why Become a Life Coach
• My Hot Spots
• What Triggers Your Anger
• Anger and Your Health
• Anger Management
• Anger Be Gone
• My Anger Plan
• Strategies for Controlling Anger
• Attitude Check & Confession
• Confront and Level
• I Feel Good, PST™
• Why?

There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.

Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.)  Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”

Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!

I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.

Respectfully yours,

George Tannous, PhD