What Triggers Your Anger?
by: George Tannous, PhD
Become a Certified Life Coach
Important: Before you study this lesson please watch this video, “Why?“. Example: If you or your client are in a relationship and the other person displayed an attitude of not being “Truthful”, you’ll need to master, and you’ll need to educate your client the following: “Confront and Level!”, “Assertive Communications!”, as well as “I Feel Good, PST!”.
Make sure to answer the questions at the end and follow the instructions for submission!
Everyone deals with anger in their own way. It’s one of the emotions everyone handles differently. Some find it natural to lash out and yell at people around them while others start throwing tantrums and things.
These people are often labeled as “hot-headed.” Some people deal with anger by keeping it inside. They never express their emotions but sulk in silence. Some people choose to let things go for some time, but they hold grudges and wait for the “right” moment to strike. And then there are people who channel their anger in a positive manner and make something good out of the given situation.
Anger is one of the six basic emotions. We all experience anger from time to time. It’s completely natural and there is nothing wrong with it. But the problem arises when anger gets out of control and brings harm and misery to yourself or others.
Have you ever experienced anger at such intensity that you did something unnatural? Something you would never do. Have you ever lashed out or screamed uncontrollably at your spouse, your coworker, or a friend? There is no doubt that expressing anger in a destructive manner can bring you brief relief. But that relief is often followed by guilt, frustration, and tarnished relationships.
And this happens with almost everyone. But can it be controlled? Is there a way to minimize the damage?
Yes, there is.
The first step toward anger management is identifying the cause. When you know the patterns that set you off you can take steps to channel your anger in a constructive manner.
What causes anger?
For some people, almost any event can become a source of pain, suffering, and anger. They feel as if almost everything is directed towards them. For people who practice patience, they might not experience anger in months. The factors that trigger anger can vary from person to person. Some of these factors might seem huge and some might seem quite petty, but the effect they have on a person is the same.
The causes of anger can be divided into three parts — inner, outer, and self-inflicted. Each of these can trigger anger or add fuel to the fire. Exploring these factors and conducting an analysis will help you identify the cause behind your anger and help you know what pushes your buttons. So, let’s begin.
Inner causes:
Inner causes that trigger anger can be associated with overwhelming emotions. Some of the reasons responsible for anger are listed below.
Old memories: When someone offends us or the situation isn’t in our favor, we sometimes suppress our emotions and keep things caged inside. These emotions snowball into larger issues over time and trigger anger when a situation arises that relates to that particular event. These memories can include disappointments, past events, unresolved conflicts, and situations.
Frustration due to guilt: Everybody makes mistakes. But sometimes, while seeking forgiveness from others, we refuse to forgive ourselves. The frustration and guilt that live inside for days, months, even years become a cause for anger.
Jealousy: Seeing your partner having a good time with someone else, seeing a coworker getting a promotion, or witnessing accomplishments of your friends can trigger jealousy which can lead to anger.
Stress and tiredness: Being exhausted or overworked can also cause anger. Sometimes when we are stressed or our body resources are down, we burst on others without considering the consequences.
Powerlessness: Sometimes a situation arises that’s completely out of our control. Such situations can cause people to feel powerless, which builds frustration and triggers anger.
Outer reasons:
In addition to inner causes, anger also gets triggered due to the outside environment.
Anger inflicted by events: Certain events like being stuck in traffic jam, being in a chaotic and loud environment, a stressful workplace, tight project deadlines, missed promotions, unsolved problems, canceled plans, sudden misfortunes, losing something expensive, witnessing unfair acts, etc., can easily get a person worked up and trigger anger.
Anger inflicted by people: The more you are emotionally invested in people, the more you get fired up when they take actions that don’t align with yours. An argument with your spouse, a heated discussion with your supervisor at work or a mismatch of ideas within your inner friend circle, etc., can provoke anger.
The inner critic
Self-evaluation and self-reflection are two factors that play crucial roles in self-improvement. We often find ourselves analyzing our thoughts, actions, words, and behavior. When done constructively, these factors not only help us improve the quality of our life but also help us identify positive as well as negative patterns.
The voice of our inner critic can be extremely comforting and rewarding or it can be highly destructive. Our inner critic can help us stay positive and motivated and push us to achieve our goals. Or it can be a brutal voice, constantly pushing us around and putting us down. It can be as subtle as, “I need some more time to be prepared for the interview,” or as brutal as “My life has no purpose; I am good for nothing.”
Sometimes when things go wrong, our inner critic becomes overly active. Instead of helping us stay positive, it burdens us with harsh words, guilt, blame, and fear. It reduces our capability to think clearly. Often we get so consumed in criticizing our own actions that our judgment gets clouded, and the negative words of the inner critic take over. Sometimes, the inner critic adds fuel to the fire when you are angry by magnifying the situation and making things worse.
Though there can be many reasons that trigger anger, at the end of the day, how you manage your anger matters the most. You always have a choice to either handle your anger destructively that leads to uncontrollable outbursts, or you can give your anger a constructive form and use it for something good.
Are there any factors we didn’t include that trigger your anger? Are there any outer or inner factors that make you want to scream on the top of your lungs? What role does your inner critic plays when you are angry?
The essay
Please write an essay, up to two pages, about what triggers your anger and how you plan to solve it. Share your story in the Forums.
Our advice is for you to practice “What Triggers Your Anger” for at least a week. Tell others around you to point out any time in which you didn’t. Have them hold you accountable. Visit the Forum and do a “CONFESSION.”
What is a Confession? A Confession is when you’ve displayed a wrong behavior and were held accountable by one of your family members, peers, or even yourself. Visit the Forum and tell us about it. We will give you feedback! Make sure to watch the video about Confession for more details! Furthermore, become a member of the Forum and give feedback to others!
Read the article? Time to introspect!
- How do you express your anger? Do you lash out or do you keep things inside?
- Do you have memories that make you angry? What are those? Why do they still make you angry?
- Is your inner critic harsh or comforting? How often do you practice positive self-talk?
- Do people around you fuel your anger? How? Why do you think they are able to do that?
- Do your past mistakes still send you to guilt trips and make you angry? Why?
Sources:
https://www.umassd.edu/counseling/for-parents/recommended-readings/anger-management/
https://www.jeffreyheiser.com/factors-cause-anger/
This module includes the following:
- Introduction
- Why Become a Life Coach
- My Hot Spots
- What Triggers Your Anger
- Anger and Your Health
- Anger Management
- Anger Be Gone
- My Anger Plan
- Strategies for Controlling Anger
- Attitude Check & Confession
- Confront and Level
- I Feel Good, PST™
- Why?
There is no way any relationship will survive without having the qualities mentioned above.
Make sure to read each article carefully at least three time. Print your workbook (will be available per lesson.) Answer all questions and enter them in your workbook. Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate so long as you’ve been a member of the “Forums.”
Also, follow the instruction for sharing your story in our Forums as well as participating in our “Forums,” especially our unique “Confessions Forum” so you may gain practice, knowledge, experience, and expertise!
I am thankful that you have given me this opportunity to share all of this with you. May God bless you and bring prosperity and peace into your life.
Respectfully yours,
George Tannous, PhD
This is Where Confessions, Attitude Checks, Accountability, Give and Receive Feedback Comes in. Practice for Your Own Practice!
Well, you might be asking yourself “How am I going to get practice for my practice?” Great question and I thought you’ll never ask!
#1 You are part of a group with the same interests.
#2 You have a question in regards to one of your clients and we are here to help you.
#3 Others have questions and you can give feedback and help them.
#4 You need to do a confession.
#5 And much more.
You Are Never Alone! Join the Forums!
Once you have completed this entire journey, you will be issued a Life Coach Certificate. Must participate in our Forums to get certified! You’ll achieve your internship by joining and partcipating in our “Forums”.